Monday, May 16, 2005

Ma'am's the Word

You wanna know what I wanna know? What’s with all this “Ma’am” bullshit. I don’t remember when I actually graduated to ma’am status, but I’m sick of it. It’s honestly like nails on a chalkboard. Whenever anyone calls me “Ma’am” I want to lunge toward them and strangle them….Ma’am my ass!
Let me tell you something, I am 29 years old. Most people, when they meet me and find out my age are surprised and say I don’t look a day over 25, and if it wasn’t for these snot nose “Ma’am” calling prepubescents who think anything or anyone over 21 came over on the Mayflower I’d be fine. Ma’am…please! I’d rather have someone say, “Here are your groceries you f’in bitch” than have them say, “Here are your groceries “Ma’am.”
I don’t even like the sound of it…”Ma’am.” It sounds like you’ve got some sort of small animal lodged in your throat when you say it. You know what sounds good? “Miss.” I use it whenever I can. I don’t care if the woman of whom I am speaking to is 95 years old, it just sounds better. “Oh, excuse me Miss, you dropped your Geritol and Depends.” It sounds a hell of a lot better than “Ma’am…MA”AM you dropped your vitamins and diapers.” Wouldn’t you agree? Or am I just being extra sensitive?


Charlie Mc said...

Yeah, at 33, I am in "sir" status...what the F????? Pisses me off!!!!

Rob Lowe said...

I feel your pain. I'm 29, too, and experienced a similar experience to Charlie's "sir."

I decided to take matters into my own hands and started wearing really tight short-shorts and a fannypack.

Now, people don't call me "sir" anymore. They call me "Euro-Rob." or "the short-shorts guy." I find either much more palatable than "sir."

Steph said...

HA!! Rob, you must now resemble Magnum P.I. in your short shorts!! :)

No, Jen - it is NOT okay to call you ma'am. I'm way older than you and it's not okay to call ME ma'am!

When a bagboy says that to me, I say, "I'm not your mother, you little punk!" :) Then I pull up my support hose and pay for my Metamucil.

TrueJerseyGirl said...

I am with you. "Ma'am" is one of the worst words in the english language, next to "wrinkles" and "incontinence."

Jenni said...

Thanks for the sympathy, and for everyones information I was called "Ma'am" twice today. The first time I let it slide, but the second was not pretty. Let's just say I'm probably not allowed in Dicks Sporting Goods anymore. Oh well...
Short Shorts and a fanny pack? Sounds a lot like Goldmember...at least that's the picture I'm getting. I like Gooooolllld ;)

Kyrsten said...

Jen: My favorite bank rep:
I totally agree, as we have discussed, this ma'am stuff has got to go! I am only 24 years old, for god's sake, and I am not a ma'am. I would prefer any derogatory term over ma'am.

Anonymous said...

My usual and polite first response when someone asks, "May I help you Ma'am?", is,"YOU CAN START BY NOT CALLING ME MA'AM". It just reminds me of "mammy" an I aint nobody's damn "mammy" so hush yo mouth! Sometimes this approach works but usually it still inevitably ends up that they continue to repatedly, almost provokingly, call me ma'am through the course of the conversation...Occasionally when I'm in a less irritated mood I either just ma'am them back if it's another female, or for the boys, it's a "why thank you sonny", in a shaky little old lady voice. One of these days I'm going to pull out the De Niro impersonation...."You talking to me?"