Ma'am's the Word

You wanna know what I wanna know? What’s with all this “Ma’am” bullshit. I don’t remember when I actually graduated to ma’am status, but I’m sick of it. It’s honestly like nails on a chalkboard. Whenever anyone calls me “Ma’am” I want to lunge toward them and strangle them….Ma’am my ass!
Let me tell you something, I am 29 years old. Most people, when they meet me and find out my age are surprised and say I don’t look a day over 25, and if it wasn’t for these snot nose “Ma’am” calling prepubescents who think anything or anyone over 21 came over on the Mayflower I’d be fine. Ma’am…please! I’d rather have someone say, “Here are your groceries you f’in bitch” than have them say, “Here are your groceries “Ma’am.”
I don’t even like the sound of it…”Ma’am.” It sounds like you’ve got some sort of small animal lodged in your throat when you say it. You know what sounds good? “Miss.” I use it whenever I can. I don’t care if the woman of whom I am speaking to is 95 years old, it just sounds better. “Oh, excuse me Miss, you dropped your Geritol and Depends.” It sounds a hell of a lot better than “Ma’am…MA”AM you dropped your vitamins and diapers.” Wouldn’t you agree? Or am I just being extra sensitive?