Monday, June 25, 2007

Jamba Juice and Water Skiing.

Last Friday the kid that rang up my order at Jamba Juice told me that I have the best job in the world.

Let me explain.

I was there buying five drinks for one of my stores that was having an "emergency Jamba Juice moment" and when he asked me if I needed a detailed receipt and I said "No, I'm just going to expense the whole thing." his eyes lit up and he said "Wow, you must have like the best job in the world."


I have the best job in the whole world because I have to dredge all the way over here in the pouring rain to fetch Jamba Juice. But never mind that. I got FREE Jamba Juice. I felt like telling him, look, there's nothing FREE about this Jamba Juice as I expect at least a hundred thousand dollars in business for this $16.50 cent bill. Now gimme my soy Razmatazz and shut the hell up.

In other news, this is where I was this weekend...

Chrissy and Luke came up to my sister's cabin where we were able to enjoy a day-and-a-half of fun in the sun on the lake. We were just warming up for our annual "4th of July Trip" that will be this coming weekend at Chrissy's cabin in Northern Wisconsin, which always ends with a "Top Ten List." More on that to come....

(Yes, I know, my dog is wearing a life vest.)

Thursday, June 21, 2007

An Open Letter to a Douchebag

To the Douchebag who has this bumper sticker on his vehicle;

“Foreign cars are like tampons, every pussy’s got one.”

You are an idiot.

First of all, has your mother seen this? Or more importantly, has your GRANDMOTHER? Unless they are living in a trailer park in the back-woods of Alabama I can guarantee you, they would be extremely offended.
If I pulled up to my moms house with that attached to my car she would first, most probably rip out her eyeballs, and then she'd make me scrape it off my car with my teeth...All while saying the Lords Prayer and the Apostle's Creed ten times in succession.

Secondly, do you think this is funny? Seriously? Because I think it makes you look like a complete tool. Which, I don’t know if you’re up on this or not, is something you don’t want to look like. In fact, the majority of the people I know wake up every morning and make sure that they don’t appear to be as stupid and lame as you. Yes, you are the benchmark for stupid.

And lastly, that sentence is a grammatical nightmare and it makes you look like even more of an A-hole than you already are.

Maybe next time, before you attach bumper stickers to your car, you should seek advice from someone besides your idiotic friends.


P.S. You know the 1994 primer-black painted Blazer you’re driving? The majority of its parts were made in Mexico.


Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Oh the places I go...

Who says that posing with a gigantic statue of Paul Bunyon and Babe the Blue Ox is just for kids. Pssshhhtttt...Whatever.

Thankfully, I get to travel to the outermost regions of Minnesota to see equally huge and disturbing paper-mache-like statues of weirdness. Like the giant Norseman in Alexandria who claims that his resting place is the "Birthplace of America." I don't know about you, but I'm in no position to argue with a three-story-high dude carrying a shield and long, sharp sword-thingy.

And then there's always this. Which thankfully is no longer in my territory so I don't have to drive by it and mutter out loud, "What the F...?"

Not only are there sculptures, but there are also other entertaining things to do in Northern Minnesota...

Ahhhh, yes, the "Meatball Supper." Which is not to be confused with the "Pancake Breakfast" or the "Spaghetti Dinner." Bring your own caserole and pan of "bars" (pronounced "bahrs")and you're in like Flynn.

People "Up North" also like to shoot things...

Hmmmmm...I'm not even going to go there with this one.

But there are also many other beautiful things to see when you're in the middle of nowhere. Like this...
And this...
And especially this.
...Which is a far cry from civilization, but a little closer to heaven.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Caution: Post Contains Symbolism, Deep Thoughts, and Lame Metaphors

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than those you did. So throw out the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the wind in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."

~Mark Twain

This morning when I opened up Josh's laptop to check my personal email, I noticed that he had the above quote as his wallpaper. And it really resonated within me. This quote. Talking about living your dreams and taking risks. There are so many things I want to do creatively with my life...I just need to do them. Period.

Earlier during my spin class, my instructor said to pick a word for the day, a word that will help guide you, a sort of theme perhaps. The word that first came to my mind was "ball-buster." And I spent the entire class trying to figure out if "ball-buster" was one word or two. I mean, it's hyphenated, so technically it's one word, however "ball" and "buster" can also be used seperately.

Anyway, I decided that it was one word and that I was going to use it. And to tell you the truth, it really helped me through each and every hill-climb interval.

So, the long of the short of it is, I'm glad I didn't hit snooze when I woke up at 5:10 this morning. I'm glad I went and worked my ass off because in the end, it makes me a better (tolerable) person, more relaxed and at peace with myself.

And maybe there is a weird sort of symbolism going on here...Like making sure I'm not hitting the snooze button on my life. Making sure I'm living up to my full potential and not selling myself short. Maybe it's time to start living the way I want to live by mainstreaming my passions into a livlihood instead of just a hobby.