Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Merry Christmas!

So, Josh and I were trying to decide what picture to use for our annual Christmas card and I think we have narrowed it down to one...

Nuthin. But. Class.

I have determined that all we are missing is a car in blocks and a trailer park and we would have ourselves one fantastic white trash Christmas! Whoot Whoot!

Actually, this picture was taken at the cabin during a grueling two hour round of "One Handed Croquet." For those of you who do not know the rules of "One Handed Croquet" it is simple, you must have a cocktail in your hands at all times, if you set it down you have to start over. Trust me, it's a fantastic way to play the game, but on the flip side it usually takes twice as long to finish.

Here are some comments via email that I have already received from my friends...

Danika: "You could photoshop some Christmas ornaments to your boobs and then it would really be festive!"

Erica: "So romantic!!"

Gregg: "Nice. Reminds me of uncle Cletus and auntie Mabel."

So, take this as my wish for everyone to have a Merry Christmas and a happy and healthy 2008!

Oh, and "Yes" that is a picture of Ponch on Josh's shirt.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Casting Call!

It has recently come to my attention that my nephew is a shoe-in for a young Lloyd from "Dumb and Dumber." I find this hysterically funny.

So if anyone knows the Farrelly Brothers and they're considering writing a prequel to the prequel to the movie, tell them to call me...I have their guy.

Monday, November 26, 2007

Garden Variety Rant

I have had it. I have had it with this whole talk about "Black Friday."

Am I the only person who really could care less about how much we spent or how much retailers made on a given day in November?

I just turned on the news and that was the lead story..."Black Friday."

I can't stand it anymore...The way the newscasters talk about it with a smirk on their happy little faces like they're trying to say "Oh, look how clever we are to talk about "Black Friday" and it's cute little term with it's cute little "let's kick off the Holiday bullshit" In fact, let's take a whole long weekend to talk about this because I am sure that there is nothing better to talk about in the world like genocide or terrential monsoons that swept away peoples lives."


I'd rather them bring back the fucking bird flu crap than utter one more inane word about "Black Friday."

And then they started in about "Ciber Monday" and I nearly lost it. This is where I turned off the T.V.

"CIBER FUCKING MONDAY." As if we didn't get enough with "Black Friday" now you want me to sit here and listen to how retailers are going to gather in the hoards with their gimicks of "Free Shipping" and special on-line only sales.

Have we lost the true meaning of what this season is really about? Is it really about gifts, and shopping, and credit cards, and spending insane amounts of money on STUFF?

NO! It's NOT! It's about friends and family and get togethers, doing good for those that are less fortunate and being thankful for the things that we HAVE, not the things we are going to buy for "40% off One Day And One Day Only."

And what's the rush? Why did all those people stand outside in the cold in line at their local Walmart at 4:00 am on Friday? To save a few bucks on their flat screen TV? I'll tell you what, I can think of something I would rather be doing at 4:00am the day after a national holiday and It's called SLEEP. Not only that, but I'd be willing to pay 20% MORE than to have to stand in line and battle it out with the kind of people that would actually fall for the hype.

And to those people I have a few questions; Tell me, was it really worth it? Was it worth risking your life to be trampeled to death by some obsessed overweight couch potato who will stop at nothing to get his hands on that mediocre flat screened TV? Was it worth standing in line with screaming kids who are most probably sleep deprived thanks to their ridiculious parents who had to drag them out of bed to save a few bucks on STUFF? Was is worth wanting to drive your car off the nearest overpass because that asshole in the Dodge Neon just took the last parking space at the FREAKING MALL?


{I am attributing the above rant to my November detox. I have been 26 days without any sort of alcohol and I think it is wearing on me. Last night before I went to bed I almost started drinking my Listerine. Seriously it's that bad. All I have to say is, "Four more days to go....Four more days."
So, with that being said, If I insulted anyone in the aforementioned rant I apologize...I still think you're an idiot...But at least I'm sorry for it.}

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Friday, November 16, 2007

Raindrops on Roses and Bob Hope in statue...

For those of you who have always wondered what a miniature bronzed Bob Hope would look like, wait no more...Although I don't have the actual picture I can assure you that he would look just like Cotton Hill from King of the Hill.

At least the miniature bronzed statue of Bob Hope at the VA Medical Center in Minneapolis does.

The only clue that lead me to believe that it was actually supposed to be Bob Hope was the plaque that was placed below him that read "Bob Hope." Otherwise I would have left that God-forsaken place believing that for some unknown reason the folks at the VA felt the need to bronze a cartoon character and place him adjacent to the visitor entrance.

The conversation between my mother and I went something like this.

J(Jenni)= Hey! Look! It's a bronzed Bob Hope!
M(Mom)= (staring and tilting her head from side to side) That doesn't look like Bob Hope...It looks like someone lopped off his shins and attached his feet to his knees...They must have run out of bronze.

I hate hospitals.

I was somehow roped into going with my mom and dad to my dad's dermatology appointment. I'm not going to get into the specifics, because my dads medical history is long and arduous. Just know that sitting in the same room while they preformed a biopsy on some skin cancer on his face and then having to smell burnt flesh while they cauterized the wound was not pleasant in the least.

After it was all over and done with my mom wanted to know if I wanted to go for lunch. Yeah, pass. I think I lost my appetite back there somewhere around the whole lancing and burning bucket of fun I was subjected too.

Thanks though!

Friday, November 09, 2007

Real Complicated

Real Simple and I have issues.

When it was brand new I was most probably one if it's first subscribers, that was before it was five-thousand pages and didn't fit into my mailbox anymore. Now my mother-in-law renews my subscription every year.

In fact just the other day Josh was going through our "magazine bin" and after picking up the 20 lb magazine (with both hands) he said, why don't you cancel your subscription to this...It's WAY too big and has gotten out of control. I told him that I completely agree and that his mother is the one perpetuating the madness.

His response?

"Tell her to stop."

And he said it in the tone like she was just caught beating a puppy with the latest issue.

Honestly, I thought the magazine was great when it was new and fresh, now I don't know how many times I need to be reminded when to change out my toothbrush, or how many "Aha" uses a paperclip can have.

I'm done with you Real Simple.

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Random Salad

Don't get me wrong, I love snow...When it's Christmas time. But yesterday as I was getting out of my car in the Whole Foods parking lot and a snowflake fell gently from the sky and landed ever so softly on my jacket, I couldn't have been any more mortified than if it were Satan himself.

SNOW?!! WTF???!!!

I experienced "Effing Ow Part II" yesterday and realized something...You know what sucks more than sitting in the chirapractors office while he pushes, cracks and pulls your body back into shape?

Paying $65 to let him do it.

Is threatening your cat with a "dirt nap" because of her incessant meowing wrong? And if you said "yes" to this, have you ever lived with a cat who incessantly meows?

Didn't think so.

Monday, November 05, 2007

What if....

If my husband were Chinese he would look just like this guy...

Seriously, the resemblance is uncanny. Take a look for yourself...

O.K. so maybe that's not the best picture...Just take my word for it.

Oh, and go here for my latest gluten free vegan recipe!

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Happy Halloween!

...And make sure you watch out for THC laced candies...Or seek them out...

Hey, whatever blows your skirt up.

Drug Laced Candy Found in Hennepin County

Chocolates and caramels laced with the active ingredient in marijuana have been discovered in Hennepin County, Sheriff Rich Stanek reported Monday.

Tetrahydrocannabinol, or THC, was found cooked into the candies recently by the Southwest Hennepin Drug Task Force.

"With Halloween this week, it's important to warn parents of this potentially dangerous candy," Stanek said. "If a child eats a small amount of this candy, it's equivalent to smoking very potent marijuana cigarettes."

Which really wouldn't be out of the norm, right? I've always thought of children as just a bunch of drunk adults, imagining them as a bunch of high adults wouldn't be much of a stretch...It may actually calm them down, which would be a good thing...Right?)

The chocolates are thick and heavy, and can be found molded into shapes like hearts, stars, lips (like the Rolling Stones logo) and marijuana leaves. He said that the caramels can look very similar to homemade caramels, just slightly thicker (see photos on left).

(Since when was it ever O.K. to allow your child to accept homemade candy on Halloween from a stranger...If you do, I would say that marajuana laced treats are the least of your worries. I once received a half-eaten french silk pie from my neighbors on Halloween...They had ran out of candy and felt bad. I ate it with my best friend and parents...is this wrong?)

The THC is extracted from marijuana by boiling marijuana plants. The THC becomes oily and rises to the top of the water where it is skimmed off and cooled to create a paste similar to butter. The paste is commonly referred to as "budder." This "budder" can then be cooked into other foods such as brownies, chocolate and caramels.

(Genius, Pure Genius...Beat that Paula Dean!!!)

**Source KSTP.com**

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Hot Damn, I'm Lazy

It's been awhile. I am lazy. O.K., well maybe not LAZY, more so busy and uninterested in writing about my uneventful and somewhat recently lame existence.

I may have things to say, people to make fun of, and thoughts to explore, but when it comes down to it I have had no motivation to pull out my computer and actually put my thoughts into a somewhat coherent and entertaining thought process on this thing I call my "Blog." Which really hasn't been or resembled anything like what a blog should be.

It's been more of a posting board for fucked up videos including, but not limited to the recent YouTube video of the Finnish Dude singing his sad, sad, version of the "YMCA."

Which, by the way I still think is hilarious.

I have no excuse.


I could write about my recent obsession with artichokes. Or that fact that after three years of living in seclusion in the basement my recluse cat has decided to finally come upstairs and join the family. Or I could just let it all go and start fresh...from today...living in the now...writing for the present.

Sounds good.

Oh, and can someone tell me why my sidebar has moved all the way down to the bottom of my page? I think it has something to do with the Finnish Dude, but I don't want to accept that because I refuse to delete him.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

I'm Not Ready For This Sh!t...

I don’t know about everyone else in the world, but in Minnesota it went from being 95 degrees and humid as hell to 60 degrees and *FREEZING! All within the matter of a week.

When it gets to be this **COLD, it means it’s time to bring out the fall jackets. Usually this event leads to exciting discoveries of lost money in the pockets of the aforementioned jackets. So when I put on my cute black fall jacket the other day and came up with nothing but a gumball machine plastic bobble head of Cleveland Brown from “Family Guy” you can imagine my disappointment.

Isn’t it some sort of LAW that you must find at least $5.00 in a pocket of a jacket that has been tucked away for the last six months? Or was I robbed from the Closet Fairy sometime this summer who used the money she collected from my multitude of winter wear to feed her growing cocaine habit?

I guess I’ll never know.

*The word “freezing” must only be used in the appropriate context in Minnesota when referring to 60 degree weather. For example, when it’s September and 60 degrees it’s “Freezing.” When it’s March and 60 degrees it’s warm enough to parade around in shorts and a tank top.

** See above.

Friday, August 17, 2007


Effing Ow.

Have you ever had a dislocated biceps tendon?

This morning when I went to the chiropractor because I could no longer sleep he told me that both of my biceps tendons were dislocated. Which doesn't surprise me in the least after the 18 holes of golf I played last Monday.

A lesson in anatomy:

The biceps tendon is the structure that connects the biceps muscle to the bone. There is a proximal biceps tendon at the shoulder joint, and a distal biceps tendon at the elbow.

For me, the tendon was dislocated at the shoulder joint. Which makes it hard to lift your arms past your waist, or sleep comfortably.

The thing is, this has happened to me before, but not for a few years and when I went in to get it "corrected" I essentially realized that it sucks more than I remember.

My chiropractor takes my arm, digs his thumb into the side of it while he locates the "loop" of the tendon then asks me to count to four in Spanish while he digs his thumb further into my arm and twists it just to the point where I think he's going to rip off my shoulder. Then he repeats this five more times...ON EACH ARM. Like counting in Spanish is suddenly going to make the pain dissapear. RIIIGGGHHHTTT...Not so much.

Now, being that I have R.A. I have a pretty high pain tolerance...THANKFULLY. I managed to live through it without crying, although I think I may have bit a hole through my lip.

Anyway, I feel much better and after the hour and a half adjustment I feel like all the pain was worth it...Until next time.


Thursday, August 09, 2007

Pole Dancing and Bangs

Last weekend at the cabin as we were all sitting around the campfire drinking booze, we decided to play “Truth or Dare.” As a matter of fact, it wasn’t JUST “Truth or Dare”, it was “Truth, Dare, Double-Dare, Promise or Repeat.”

The long of the short of it is that I was “Dared” to do a pole dance. With a rake.

Now, I could probably throw out a few moves that would rival even the most seasoned skanky stripper, but the problem there was, the rake wasn’t attached to anything. So essentially I just shimmied up and down the rake in a most drunk, obnoxious, and most probably non-sexy way. Thankfully, my audience was also drunk so they thought it was brilliant.

[Note to self: Strip in front of drunk people.]

Speaking of dare, I went to my hair stylist yesterday for my scheduled appointment. I was fully intending to go in and do something drastic. More specifically, I wanted to get an inverted bob.

She talked me out of it.

She said she just loves my hair and I shouldn’t do something THAT drastic right away. With that being said, I still wanted something different, so I gave her control and she cut me some bangs.

I haven’t had BANGS since the 1st grade, and I’m not so sure how I feel about them. I mean, they look great when I have my hair pulled back, but when it’s all down I feel like I look like Joe Dirt.

OK, so it’s not THAT bad, and I don’t have a mullet, I guess I’m just not used to them.

Thankfully my hair grows fast.

It’s only hair.

Thursday, August 02, 2007

I'm O.K.

This is crazy. Although, I don't travel on this bridge every day, I'm on it often enough to be shaken up about it.

As a matter of fact, I have been avoiding this bridge the past few months because of the construction, and only taking it when it wasn't rush hour. It has been a pain in ass...Which I bet for many was a blessing in disguise.

This bridge usually has eight lanes of traffic (four in each direction open, but thankfully because of the construction it was down to two lanes. It's hard to say this, but it could have been much worse.

Here's a first hand account. Plus video of the collapse as it is happening taken by a surveillance camera.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

New Beginnings

So, I've decided to start another blog. It's taken me a long time to even want to share what I've been through, the bulk of it while still writing on this blog.

I never wrote about my battle with Rheumatoid Arthritis on this blog because it was something I didn't want to share. I didn't want people to feel sorry for me, and I didn't want to drag it into this part of my life.

For all intensive purposes, my blog friends knew me as someone without R.A., whereas my family and friends knew me as someone who struggled with it.

Good news is, the struggling is mostly a thing of the past. I have come SO far from where I was. Not being able to do everyday things that most people take for granted. Like combing my hair, or just walking down the block.

I could go on and on, but I won't...Instead, I'll direct you here.

This new blog will be about how becomming a Gluten-Free Vegan has changed my life. It will be about great food, and recipies, and maybe not so great food that I'll take the liberty of trying and reviewing...Like the package of Road's End Organic's Dairy Free, Gluten-free "Penne & Chreese" (No, that wasn't a typo...it's really "Chreese."Although I can't really say it's "not so great" since it's just sitting in my cupbord...I haven't actually tried it yet, I guess I'm just waiting for the right time!) And on foods that maybe have historically been given a bad rap...(GSR...you know EXACTLY what I'm talking about...You and your anti-beet bantor. Actually, I have a GREAT recipe for a home-made salad dressing that goes famously with a fresh herb salad with red onions, walnuts, carmelized pears and beets. And you MUST try it!)

Anyway, I want to be able to help people realize that as a vegan you CAN have really great food (without the dairy and meat and the processed foods that as American's we all grew up with) without sacrificing taste or nutrition.

I will still be posting about everyday life on Swank or Skank, but I can imagine most of my time will be focused on "The Healing Plate."

So, let's raise our glasses and toast to a great new beginning!

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Poison Rocks the Hiz-Ouse

Wednesday night I went to the Poison concert with some girlfriends at the Myth in Maplewood. Yes, I realize that it is no longer 1989, I don't pin my jeans anymore and my hairspray use has since declined dramatically. But I have to tell you something, the concert was AWESOME.

Standing there amongst the crowded masses of drunk people, I remembered just how important music is in my life. Music is a time machine that can transport you back to the carefree days of your youth. Those songs that I sang along with and incidentally knew every single word to, brought me back to when I was a kid. It was nice to feel that way again...A sense of carefree happiness.

It's amazing to realize that they have been entertaining for 21 years! TWENTY ONE YEARS! It also dates me, which is not so amazing. More depressing than anything actually.

Eh, C'est la vie!

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Jenni's "How To."

How To Lose 10 Lbs of Water Weight In Under 35 Minutes:

It's simple. Just get up at 7:00 in the morning and run three-and-a-half miles when it's 80 degrees and 79% humidity.

(Alternate titles; "How To Sweat Off Any Residual Makeup On Your Face", "How To Feel Like You're Going To Pass Out Upon Entering The Air Conditioning Of Your Home," and "How To Rapidly Achieve Heat Stroke."

Monday, July 16, 2007

Mad Skills

I realized something on Friday night while Danika, Sandra, Josh and I were at the Chatterbox in Minneapolis.

I have mad Pictionary skills.

Mad to the point that people were actually fighting to be my partner...O.K., well maybe not fighting, but you get the point. I'm THAT good at Pictionary.

Case in point. I will give you one hint at this truly ingenious picture that I drew of an "Action" after not only one, but THREE sangria's.

Hint: It's NOT a "chicken kiss", however if you did guess "chicken kiss" you get a bonus point for being highly creative in that you are aware that real chickens don't have lips, and that you genuinely believe that if they did, that same chicken would actually kiss you instead of try to peck out your eyeballs.

Friday, July 13, 2007

The Top 10 Things I Learned at the Cabin July 2007 (Plus Bonus Top Ten Glossary!)

So, I've been waiting to post this because I have this awesome picture of the "pet chicken" that is mentioned on the list, but I may just have to post that at a later date since there is an issue getting the pictures off my digital camera that is much to complicated to explain. SO, without further adieu, I give you the infamous;

"Top Ten Things I Learned at the Cabin 2007."

10. Walking into a bar and interrupting a conversation between a group of people by standing directly in front of their table, saying “Hi”, and then staring at them is weird. Don’t do it.

9. Every golf game should begin with a Bloody Mary.

8. Apparently it is not strange for people in Northern Wisconsin to have chickens as pets and name them “Dinner.”

7. If you think you lost your wedding ring in the lake, the chances of finding said ring are slim to none. Yes, even with snorkeling equipment.

6. When someone finds your wedding ring sitting in your chair after searching for it for an hour IN THE LAKE it’s O.K. to swim half way across the lake in an attempt to hide your embarrassment.

5. Singing Girl Scout songs around the campfire is fun. (Shut up Josh, IT IS fun.)

4. If you fall and skin your knee at 11:30 at night chances are you won’t remember it until 10:00 the next morning.

3.Neil Diamond’s Greatest Hits is possibly the best CD EVER. Ever.

2. Making a GIGANTIC margarita at 11:00 PM. is possibly the worse idea EVER. Ever.

1. And the number one thing I learned at the Cabin in 2007…..

The joy of spending time with good friends in the wilderness makes every day problems seem utterly insignificant.

Bonus! Top Ten Things I Learned at the Cabin Glossary!

July 2005
July 2006

I was finally able to get my pictures off my camera! The following picture was taken in a grocery store parking lot after discovering a chicken in a cage in this woman's car. She more than happily took the bird out of it's cage to introduce me to their family pet "Dinner." I had to take a picture since I didn't think anyone would believe me otherwise!

It's 9:15 am...Time to get our drink on Bloody Mary Style at the golf course.

Ahhhh..Sorry 'bout that...yep...it's in the chair.

"Got a story doot-doot-doot-doot...About Jaws doot-doot-doot-doot..."

Monday, June 25, 2007

Jamba Juice and Water Skiing.

Last Friday the kid that rang up my order at Jamba Juice told me that I have the best job in the world.

Let me explain.

I was there buying five drinks for one of my stores that was having an "emergency Jamba Juice moment" and when he asked me if I needed a detailed receipt and I said "No, I'm just going to expense the whole thing." his eyes lit up and he said "Wow, you must have like the best job in the world."


I have the best job in the whole world because I have to dredge all the way over here in the pouring rain to fetch Jamba Juice. But never mind that. I got FREE Jamba Juice. I felt like telling him, look, there's nothing FREE about this Jamba Juice as I expect at least a hundred thousand dollars in business for this $16.50 cent bill. Now gimme my soy Razmatazz and shut the hell up.

In other news, this is where I was this weekend...

Chrissy and Luke came up to my sister's cabin where we were able to enjoy a day-and-a-half of fun in the sun on the lake. We were just warming up for our annual "4th of July Trip" that will be this coming weekend at Chrissy's cabin in Northern Wisconsin, which always ends with a "Top Ten List." More on that to come....

(Yes, I know, my dog is wearing a life vest.)

Thursday, June 21, 2007

An Open Letter to a Douchebag

To the Douchebag who has this bumper sticker on his vehicle;

“Foreign cars are like tampons, every pussy’s got one.”

You are an idiot.

First of all, has your mother seen this? Or more importantly, has your GRANDMOTHER? Unless they are living in a trailer park in the back-woods of Alabama I can guarantee you, they would be extremely offended.
If I pulled up to my moms house with that attached to my car she would first, most probably rip out her eyeballs, and then she'd make me scrape it off my car with my teeth...All while saying the Lords Prayer and the Apostle's Creed ten times in succession.

Secondly, do you think this is funny? Seriously? Because I think it makes you look like a complete tool. Which, I don’t know if you’re up on this or not, is something you don’t want to look like. In fact, the majority of the people I know wake up every morning and make sure that they don’t appear to be as stupid and lame as you. Yes, you are the benchmark for stupid.

And lastly, that sentence is a grammatical nightmare and it makes you look like even more of an A-hole than you already are.

Maybe next time, before you attach bumper stickers to your car, you should seek advice from someone besides your idiotic friends.


P.S. You know the 1994 primer-black painted Blazer you’re driving? The majority of its parts were made in Mexico.


Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Oh the places I go...

Who says that posing with a gigantic statue of Paul Bunyon and Babe the Blue Ox is just for kids. Pssshhhtttt...Whatever.

Thankfully, I get to travel to the outermost regions of Minnesota to see equally huge and disturbing paper-mache-like statues of weirdness. Like the giant Norseman in Alexandria who claims that his resting place is the "Birthplace of America." I don't know about you, but I'm in no position to argue with a three-story-high dude carrying a shield and long, sharp sword-thingy.

And then there's always this. Which thankfully is no longer in my territory so I don't have to drive by it and mutter out loud, "What the F...?"

Not only are there sculptures, but there are also other entertaining things to do in Northern Minnesota...

Ahhhh, yes, the "Meatball Supper." Which is not to be confused with the "Pancake Breakfast" or the "Spaghetti Dinner." Bring your own caserole and pan of "bars" (pronounced "bahrs")and you're in like Flynn.

People "Up North" also like to shoot things...

Hmmmmm...I'm not even going to go there with this one.

But there are also many other beautiful things to see when you're in the middle of nowhere. Like this...
And this...
And especially this.
...Which is a far cry from civilization, but a little closer to heaven.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Caution: Post Contains Symbolism, Deep Thoughts, and Lame Metaphors

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than those you did. So throw out the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the wind in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."

~Mark Twain

This morning when I opened up Josh's laptop to check my personal email, I noticed that he had the above quote as his wallpaper. And it really resonated within me. This quote. Talking about living your dreams and taking risks. There are so many things I want to do creatively with my life...I just need to do them. Period.

Earlier during my spin class, my instructor said to pick a word for the day, a word that will help guide you, a sort of theme perhaps. The word that first came to my mind was "ball-buster." And I spent the entire class trying to figure out if "ball-buster" was one word or two. I mean, it's hyphenated, so technically it's one word, however "ball" and "buster" can also be used seperately.

Anyway, I decided that it was one word and that I was going to use it. And to tell you the truth, it really helped me through each and every hill-climb interval.

So, the long of the short of it is, I'm glad I didn't hit snooze when I woke up at 5:10 this morning. I'm glad I went and worked my ass off because in the end, it makes me a better (tolerable) person, more relaxed and at peace with myself.

And maybe there is a weird sort of symbolism going on here...Like making sure I'm not hitting the snooze button on my life. Making sure I'm living up to my full potential and not selling myself short. Maybe it's time to start living the way I want to live by mainstreaming my passions into a livlihood instead of just a hobby.


Thursday, May 17, 2007

Happy Birthday Lola!

That's right...My little girl turns THREE today! It feels just like yesterday that we brought her home to live with us.

Awwwww...wasn't she just the cutest puppy?

She's made lots of friends in the three years she's been a part of our lives.

There's Moonpie the Grayhound...

...And Roxanne the Standard Poodle, just to name a few (This picture was taken after we dog sat Roxanne for a week and decided it would be a good idea to give her a mohawk before giving her back...It was ALL Lola's idea.)

She's also made many different fashion choices of which I SWEAR I had NOTHING to do with...

She greets me at home with enthusiasm even if I just walked out the door to get the mail, and she cuddles with me at night when she's tired and wants to sleep...She is my best four legged friend and I am proud to call her my buddy.

Happy Birthday Lola!

Monday, April 30, 2007

A Weekend in the Fog

This pretty much sums up my weekend.

That picture was taken Friday night while he was "studying" for the first of a series of exams he needs to take for an important designation that pertains to his career. (He ended up taking the SIX HOUR exam the next morning...We are crossing our fingers that he actually passes.)
This was before Danika and I closed down the local neighborhood dive and were the feature Karoke singers. Or, so we would have liked to think. Sandra joined us at the peak of my drunkenness and was just in time to see me at my finest.

Saturday morning I woke up still drunk. I decided it would be a good idea to take Lola for a run around the lake and I’ve now decided that running while intoxicated is actually probably the best way to run. Seriously.

Saturday night I had a wedding to attend. I started off fine, but getting together with this group of girls always leads to trouble.

Here I am at the beginning of the night…

This is probably around the middle somewhere…

And this is the end.

Notice the blur…yeah… And I'm only BRIEFLY going to mention how I ended up FALLING out of the car when we finally did make it home. Thanks Josh, especially for pointing and laughing as I lay injured in the driveway. That was not my best moment, thanks.

The thought of alcohol makes me want to run and hide, so I’m going to take it easy for awhile…However, Cinco De Mayo is coming up this Saturday and I have plans to spend the day downtown and at a Twins game, therefore I have a feeling my ride on the wagon will be short lived.


Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Alphabet City

So, I was tagged by Mystery Girl, and I thought it would be fun, so here it goes!

A-Available or Single?
Neither…Is this a trick question?

B-Best Friend:
My husband.

C-Cake or Pie:
As long as it’s gluten free and vegan I’m eating it…Like five minutes ago…It’s already gone.

D-Drink of Choice:
Skyy Vodka Dirty Martini, up with extra Olives, Starbucks “Zen” iced tea (no sweetner please) and WATER…lots of water. (Especially the day after too many of the first)

E-Essential Item(s):
Lip Gloss and my cell phone.

F- Favorite Color:
It depends on what for. I like shades of pink for clothes, greyish blues/greens for wall colors, and black for accents…wait…Has anyone decided if black is an actual color yet?

G- Gummi Bears or Worms?
Pass, too much sugar makes me achy. Plus, aren’t they made of gelatin which comes from animal feet? Eew.

H- Hometown:
It’s the same city where the “Mall of America” is located, which if you ask me, is the second most obnoxious building standing. (The first being “Lambeau Field” of course.)

I- Indulgence:
Pedicures, Massages, and Chocolate.

J- January or February:
Neither. They’re both freaking cold. I’d trade them in any day for two more July’s.

K- Kids:
No…I mean, not yet…I mean…I dunno. Wait, did my mother-in law put you up to this?

L- Life is incomplete without:

M- Marriage Date:
August 21st 2004

N- Number of Siblings:
Three. Although they are more like parents due to the ENORMOUS age gap between us. I was raised pretty much as an only child.

O- Oranges or Apples?
How can you compare? I’ll take them both.

P- Phobias/Fears.
Old Navy Commercials and Richard Simmons.

Q- Favorite Quote:
“There are plenty of things to think about, but nothing to worry about.”
~Matthew Koepke
(Don’t laugh; It was recently a quote on “Extreme Home Makeover.” I ususally don’t use quotes that are associated with Ty Pennington, but this one is right on.)

R- Reasons to smile:
The smell of the lake on a warm summers day, the sound of the rain falling when I’m cozied up on the sofa with a book or a magazine, the laughter of friends, and the embrace of loved ones. Life is good.

S- Season:
Summer. Hands down.

T- Tag Three:
Sandra Steph Erica Only play if you like.

U- Unknown Fact About Me:
Unknown to whom? I am such a dreamer. I could spend half my day daydreaming about what I want to do with my life and where I want to go. You can often find me with my head in the clouds.

V – Vegetarian or Oppressor of Animals?

W- Worst Habit(s):
I am the worlds best procrastinator, my organizational skills are virtually nonexistent, and I like to belch…loud.

X – X-rays or Ultrasounds?
What? Why? “Is it a boy or a girl?” Or, “Is it broken?” Right now I don’t need either one thanks.
Y- Your Favorite Foods:
Mangos, pineapple, bananas, fresh spinach salads with strawberries and almonds. I love Thai food, curry, tofu, and anything vegi friendly.

Z- Zodiac: I am a garden-varitey Pisces.

Friday, April 20, 2007

No Mo Blonde

I did it.

I did the unthinkable.

I went from a blonde to a brunette in just under two hours....and I love it.

Quoting my friend Kyrsten, "Eh, being blonde is over-rated anyway."

I've been blonde my whole life. My senior year of highschool, when my hair began to darken, my sister decided that it would be fun to "lighten" my hair, and I've been lightning it ever since. So, earlier this week, knowing full well that I had a hair appointment on Thursday I decided that I wanted a change, I wanted to be a brunette.

So here it is ladies and gents, Jenni with brown hair. Guarantee, it WILL lighten when I wash it, and being in the sun will also make it not so drastic, but when it's all said and done, I wouldn't change it and I don't know if I'll ever cross-over into the world of the light-haired ever again.

Sometimes change is good.

Friday, April 13, 2007

Disappearing Act

I’ve been really good at that lately…Disappearing that is. I’ve been disappearing into my work, the gym, and the company of my friends. Honestly, I’ve been busy…But not that busy.

Speaking of disappearing, I have a mouse in my house that I wish would disappear. He’s taken up residence somewhere in my kitchen. My original thought was to purchase a humane trap and lure him in there where I would then release him into the wild so he could live the rest of his cute-little life in the wilderness somewhere down by the Mississippi River (preferably in a van, but probably not)

The problem is, it’s been at least two weeks and nothing. I even gave him organic peanut butter to feast upon and he STILL doesn’t want anything to do with it. I’m starting to think that prior to moving in, he was feasting over at my neighbors garbage which is filled with Cheeto’s, Frito’s, Dorito’s and every other kind of O’s so when I present him with food that is not only TASTY, but GOOD for his tiny four-legged body, he just turns up his nose in search of something processed and nasty.

I believe I am living with a mouse that has somehow assimilated himself to the American diet. It’s like in New York City where they have to bribe their rodents with canoli’s and corned beef…I must do the same and purchase something similar…something processed…something that contains enough trans-fat to lure this little son of satan into the trap.

However, I have run out of time. Unfortunately, Josh brought out the big guns and purchased two deadly traps that are sure to decapitate the little SOB in a matter of seconds. Which is why I refuse to look under the sink until I receive the “all clear.” The LAST thing I want to see is a furry little critter with his neck broken next to my dishwasher soap and sponges. It’s more or less the fact that the little guy won’t even know what hit him…Which is why I had to have a conversation with the cat.

“Squid Squat, I don’t ask for much. I feed you organic cat food, give you a nice warm place to sleep, I even don’t get angry when you throw up on my clean clothes, but it’s time you earned your keep…”

I continued on lecturing her on what it means to be a cat, her responsibilities and such, but all that landed me was the signal to pet her, some cat drool on my hand, and then I was dismissed as she went back to sleep.


The dog isn’t much help. She hears the thing scurry across the floor, takes after it like a bat out of hell barking and carrying on, and scares it back into it’s seclusion for another 24 hours or so.

I’m ready to give up. I mean, I want to catch it before it dies because then all I’ll have left is the smell of decaying animal carcass which will only lead me on the inevitable hunt for something I absolutely don’t want to see….EEW….Not fun.

Any suggestions?

Sunday, March 18, 2007

I LOVE New York

That's right...I Love New York.

I don't know if it was the vast selection of restaurants that left this gluten-free (*unconventional) vegan girl without a culinary want in the world, or if it was the magnetic lights of Times Square, or the indisguisable smell of city sewer mixed with bustle of pure urban life that literally screamed "Existing in this ethnic melting pot of a city is quite possibly the best existence there is."

I felt at home, and I loved it.

Our room at the Westin located in Times Square definitely helped with this. The fabulous dual-headed shower along with the "Heavenly Bed" managed to assist in the pleasure of resting my tired feet after a long day of walking, shopping and eating.

And speaking of eating...I was able to pick up the 2007 edition of "The Vegan Guide to New York City" which led us to the most interesting and delicious restaurants I have had the pleasure of visiting while on vacation, including, but not limited to "Babycakes" the best gluten-free vegan bakery this side of the Milky Way...


And this place...

...Wild Ginger, had possibly the best "Pan-Asian" vegan cuisine I had ever had...ever.

But enough about food. We took a double-decker bus tour around the city that was awesome, especially since we were able to get out, walk around, and catch the next bus whenever we felt like it.

Here we are at the back of the bus trying so hard to behave ourselves...

...unlike this guy who sought, took and conquered the challenge of riding the Wall Street Bull in the heart of the financial district...

...I love this guy.

OK, I have to get back to the food thing. Being the unconventional sushi-loving vegan that I am we had to spend one night at a local sushi joint enjoying this lovely bowl of sashimi...

...Isn't it fabulous? Don't ask what's up with the Fonzie thumbs...Or the peace sign that seemed to have surfaced in multiple pictures throughout the trip.

I dunno...Whatever.

We did manage to do some cultural things as well, like visit the top of the Empire State Building. The view was spectacular, and although the fierce, cold wind was a little more than I could handle, I managed to wait patiently inside while Josh enjoyed the "audio tour" and froze his ass off.

All-in-all it was a great trip and I can't wait to go back when it's a bit warmer to see all that we missed. Like Ellis Island, the Statue of Liberty, Central Park, Ground Zero, and so, so much more.

(*An unconventional Vegan is my definition for someone like myself who although stays away from meat, dairy, and eggs can't quite keep herself from enjoying the occasional night at the sushi bar...Mmmmmmm sashimi...)