Thursday, June 01, 2006

Air Guitar...Happens?

Tonight marks a special event in the history of Minneapolis. No, the president is not coming to town, NO, Lindsey Lohan is not shooting another movie...what's going on is FAR bigger.

It's the Regional 2006 US Air Guitar Championship and it's being held right here in my home city. TONIGHT!
(2005 US Air Guitar Champion Fatima "Rockness Monster"Hoang)

You thought YOUR city was something to brag about? PHSSSSSST. You ain't got nothing on this.

What boggles my mind is that there's actually a competition for this. So, instead of just jamming out in my underwear in the living room to some sweet guitar solo by Eddie Van Halen, I could be on stage, in front of, what, TENS of people doing it for PRAISE AND DISTINCTION?

I needed to know more, so I visited their website and found this under the heading "Why Air Guitar?"

Whatever the reason, air guitar is so ingrained in the fabric of American life that it has become an almost instinctual response. Play the right riff and for many of us, air guitar simply happens.

Air Guitar Happens. I can see the t-shirts and bumper stickers now. Don't even think about stealing this gold-mine from my money grubbing grasp. It's all mine.

Some see air guitar as musical self-expression, others as competitive sport, and other still, as a form of performance art.

(?) I see air guitar as an opportunity to get waisted at a bar, get up on stage and make a complete fool our of yourself infront of a live audience.

In a time when US military and economic leadership faces unprecedented criticism around the world, it is our belief that air guitar represents the one field of human endeavor that our country can dominate without controversy. The US Air Guitar Championships is here to make this possible.

We don't need PATRIOTISM, we don't need JOBS, or NATIONAL SECURITY, we just need AIR GUITAR!

I HAVE BEEN MISSING OUT PEOPLE! I have been cheated out of what could have been my only claim to fame! The claim to fame that although would definitely place me within the trailer park crowd, would launch me into Air Guitar fame that is rightfully mine.

Eeh, maybe next year.


Barry said...

Well, it is a little different that the world championship pinto bean cookoff! (I wonder how many cities have that - 50?)

And we were so waiting for the video of your competition...hahaha

FYI the word vrification was guush

T. said...

Heaven help us all.

Bud said...

I always tell my guitar students that I'll teach them any way I have to in order to meet their learning style. But I think i just found a place to draw the line, thank you.

Grad School Reject said...

"Rockness Monster" is my new favorite nickname.

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

They speak better Engrish. Now they play better air guitar.

coffeygirlb said...

That's some seriously funny shit. Love the site!! LOVE the pic. Hey Lightning, love the engrish shout out. You are talking about the website, tight?

Heather B said...

God that looks like a blast! What is that, a Hello Kitty chest plate?

heather k said...

I give this my Scooby Doo laugh: heeheeheeheeheeheehee.

Glibbidy said...

Do wayne and garth from Waynes world show up?

Neil said...

I'm embarrassed to say it, but it looks like fun.

Momentary Academic said...

So, uh, Jenni? Why aren't you in the finals? Could you be a late entry? :)