Monday, June 12, 2006

Loogies And Plaster.

There was no loogie in the drinking fountain this morning, at the gym, of which I am extremely thankful. Last Monday before my 5:45 am. “Step/Sculpt” class I went to get a drink of water only to come face to face with this slimy, disgusting loogie that was lodged in the drain of the drinking fountain which sent my irrefutable bad mood into a winding tail-spin that only got worse throughout the day. Seriously. I had to take half the day as a mental health day after telling one of my clients that I felt like “ripping out all of my hair and setting it on fire in the middle of my living room.”

Which coincidentally is how I felt Friday night. Do you know what this is?

THAT, my friends, is hell in a bucket. Please take note that in the instruction for application it does not give you fair warning that you are about to spend four hours of you life in pure, excruciating plaster hell, and that prior to application you should have already gone to the liquor store to equip yourself with enough booze to keep your mind and body numb during the process.

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my house, but you see, my house is a bungalow that was built in 1925, therefore it has plaster walls that are, well, 81 years old and crumbling. The downstairs walls are in relatively good shape, but it’s the upstairs walls that need help, top that with eighteen layers of wallpaper and the unevenness of it all is enough to make you mad. So, instead of just doing what every other sane person would have done and thrown another layer of wallpaper over it, called it a day and enjoyed their Friday evening, I choose to go with “Option b.”

At first I thought, this isn’t SO bad, it’s a little tedious, but can definitely be done. About ten minutes into it I realized that I’m not even close to being done and if I keep this up at a consistent speed I won’t be done for another, what, FOUR HOURS. I walked downstairs, opened a bottle of wine, and took a huge swig...directly from the bottle.

If you would have come over to my house halfway through the process you would have found me swearing as I rolled this shit on, trying to avoid getting the sloppy mess all over my molding and hardwood floors. It was all over my arms, on my face, in my hair…I looked like the abominable snowman with some sort of skin condition. It was pathetic.

And speaking of pathetic, towards the end I was literally sobbing, cursing the good folks at Behr paint and their product that I was convinced had to be the spawn of Satan as I sat in the upstairs hallway surrounded by my own personal hell.

There is a bright side, despite the pain I endured I did do a pretty good job and it looks much better than it did when I started, however, I swore that I would NEVER, EVER do that to myself again. And I won’t. Ever. Again.


Momentary Academic said...

I'm sure that it looks beautiful, Jenni. You'll have to post pictures of your handy work.

The Muse said...

Are you sure that you couldn't have forgone your workout after something like that? I would've taken that as an opportunity to sleep in.

Of course, this is coming from the girl that just went to the gym before work for the first time in 2 months. It was fab.

Barry said...

WARNING: The following comment may appear to be insensitive and mean - but I just HAVE to say it!

This is sooo funny!!! OK, maybe not to you, but HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

I have to catch my breath. Finding a loogie in the water fountain is gross, but your reaction had me in stitches.

After 10 minutes...knowing it would take 4 hours... I cannot help myself! What you expected instant competion? I wish I could express how much I am laughing! Sorry Jenni, but this is cracking me up.

Then I am picturing you covered in that mess (this I know firsthand for myself, as I have use the same thing for ceilings many times)I have to admit...thinking you would do that blow the hair out of your face thing with the stuff all over you, well that is funny too!!

OK, OK I can be such a jerk...but it IS funny.

As for the sobbing , OK that isnt funny. See, I am not totally heartless :)

Anonymous said...

I have a rule "Get plastered when plastering" enough said

i.marzipan said...

Oh, man, I was going to call you Saturday night but decided to do some painting at my house instead! *slaps forehead*, we could have shared the pain and frustration (and wine) together!!

mcBlogger said...

I really enjoyed that, thank you...I sympathise with your plastering-hellish-painful experience, but it was well written. hehe

Bud said...

Getting plastered to do plastering? I kind of like that concept. Painting or plastering or wall papering are all only marginally better than finding a loogie in the water fountain as far as I'm concerned. Or setting your hair on fire. I hope your week gets much better.

flea said...

k first of all ewwww bout that whole loogey thing (in some sick way it was sorta funny though)

and 2nd of all.....wait crap i totally forgot my train of thought here

ah well! good times & good post

As always... Rachael said...

Who spits loogies in a water fountain?? That is so foul!

You are one brave woman for tackling a plaster project! From one home-improvement chick to another...My hat's off to you.

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

I hate spitters. I never understood them.

I use Behr paint.

Sandra said...

Oooh I feel your pain, but thanks for the warning, I won't be doing any Venetian Plaster now. But c'mon, we have to see a pic of the finished project!

Teri M. said...

Just the word "loogie" makes me gag, and I'm not all that squeamish. But ::gackcoughgack::, ok, I can't even think about it. ::gack::

Ugh, we did Behr's version of Venetian plaster in our (small!) bathroom. Didn't even have to - idiot here thought it would be pretty. What a huge pain in my nether regions. So. I guess that was to illustrate that I feel your pain, sistah.

Anonymous said...

Plaster + roll-on application = mess, & Josh never wanting to do this process again.