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Friday, April 28, 2006

Random Salad II

This morning while driving home from the gym, I came across a bumper sticker that read. “Mitzi’s Tattoos, “A cut above the rest.” What’s with that? “A cut above the rest?” Is it just me, or does that sound like a slogan for a Plastic Surgeon, not a Tattoo parlor.
Then I started thinking, if I owned a tattoo parlor what would my logo be? “Jenni’s Tattoos, We know were to draw the line.” Or, “Jenni’s Tattoos, Because nothing in life is permanent…except that Tasmanian devil we just tattooed on your calf…you really should have thought more about that one, man.”

I think Target has an inferiority complex. You never just see any plain old “Targets” anymore, now they’re all “Super Target”, or “Target Greatland,” and there’s something to be said about being able to buy your floor mats and grapes all in one store…well, I really don’t know what that is, but I’m pretty sure it’s brilliant.

Where do they get those people that do the Valtrex commercials? Seriously, if I was an actor and my agent called me and said, “I’ve got this great role for you! You get to play the poor sap that has genital herpes on a television commercial!” I’d probably just hang up. But only after asking how much they pay, because what’s a little public indignity if I could drive around in a kick ass sports car?

Speaking of kick ass sports cars, whatever happened to the Delorian? Did it do something to offend someone? I mean, the Firebird lasted for decades, as did the Camero…What, was the Delorian just not good enough for your garden variety sports car standards? Maybe it was the weird doors, or maybe it cut a bad rap in Back To The Future with the whole flex capacitor thing…I guess we’ll never know.

14 comments:

mysterygirl! said...

"Because nothing in life is permanent…except that Tasmanian devil we just tattooed on your calf…you really should have thought more about that one, man.”

That made me laugh out loud.

I read on someone's blog that they wished they had herpes so that they could spend so much time bike-riding and kayaking like in the commercials. Awesome.

liberalbanana said...

HA - to both your post and mysterygirl!'s comments! TOO FUNNY! (Found you through "The Daily Dump" - can't wait to read more!)

That reminds me, I was going to look up Tattoo Removal on Google. Tiny flower on ankle, added in Germany when I was a mere 16 yrs old, is SO FUGLY.

Sunfish said...

Hilarious! Notice how Walmart is trying to hop on the class wagon by throwing some money into their commercials? Nice try Walmart! It's funny that people have such different views on Walmart v. Target. They both sell semi-slave-labor-made products and drive out small businesses. Target is just more SUPERior at keeping it quiet!

Neil said...

Man, if you knew how much those actors get on those Valtrex commercials, you would give yourself Herpes just to get the job.

Rune said...

the Delorian dude went to the pokey for dealing coke....there isn't much room to building cars in the big house... license plates yes.. cars..no...

As always... Rachael said...

Random Salad is yummy! What a great post! If I ever get a tasmanian devil tattoo (or any tattoo for that matter) I'll make sure it's amply covered by my underwear, just in case I regret it in six months! And yes, I stil wear underwear that actually covers my ass cheeks... I guess that makes me archaic!

BTW, I have accepted your deal to get some things around the house done this weekend. I'm off to a roaring start! How's the wall-smoothing coming?

Momentary Academic said...

You've got to take your show on the road Jenni. I saw a Delorian on the Capital Beltway about six months ago. They are pretty badass.

Lord Chimmy said...

The De Lorean motor company went bankrupt. I'm sure that is one reason why so few De Loreans are in existence. Not to mention that the De Lorean really sucked...

Heather B said...

I am sure those actors make bank ... which depresses me enough to go blow alot of money on shit I don't need at Super Target.

Bud said...

The Delorean was cool but I think the dude who ran the company snorted the profits. Or something.

The Muse said...

Hahahaha. I loved the Delorian! I had a friend in college that, while drunk one night, thought my 1990 Camry was a Delorian. He instantly thought I was the coolest person ever for owning one.

Steph said...

While I was in New York, for some reason my brothers and I thought it would be a good bonding experience to get matching tattoos. By the time we got there, I backed out and said I would only get a little dot!
Then the tattoo parlor said they couldn't do it right then because we were drunk. Problem is we were NEVER sober enough during the five days I was there to ever get it done!

RetroDragon said...

I always wonder about the herpes people, too, or, more accurately, what the people who went to their high school think when they see them on TV:

Guy to high school sweetheart now wife: "Oh, my fucking God, honey, come here, Anne is on TV...and she has herpes!"

High school sweetheart now wife: "I knew it. She always was such a whore."

P.S. Steph, I want to hang out with you and your brothers. One isn't gay, by any chance?

HelloBettyLou said...

The Delorian's ( called the DMC-12) creator (John Z. DeLorian) was busted trying to broker a $24 million dollar cocaine deal to rescue his company when his investors pulled out. Also the design was impractical (wing doors, come on).

You can still find them on e-Bay