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Thursday, April 27, 2006

Jenni's How-To Guide.

How to Simultaneously Humiliate your Dog and your Man:

Figure A.

Step 1: Go to pet store and buy super obnoxious pink plaid doggie carrier.

Step 2: Bring pink plaid doggie carrier home and chase dog around house to try and strap her in.

Step 3: Lure dog near you by offering yummy treats.

Step 4: Retrieve Bacitracin from medicine cabinet and clean scratch on arm from dogs freshly clipped claws.

Step 5: Scold the dog into obnoxious pink plaid doggie carrier.

Step: 6 Strap on doggie carrier and laugh hysterically while checking yourself out in a full-length mirror.

Step 7: Wait for man to come home from work.

Step 8: Watch as man comes home from work and immediately breaks into out-of-control laughter at the dog in the super obnoxious pink plaid doggie carrier.

Step 9: (This is where you need to turn on your charm) Wait for man to change, offer him a refreshing beer, (preferably a Blue Moon with an orange slice) and coax him into the doggie carrier.

Step 10: DO IT FAST! Grab your camera phone and take a photo of the man and the dog in the super obnoxious pink plaid doggie carrier to show all of his friends and yours at parties and **dinner dates.

Congratulations! You have now managed to simultaneously humiliate both your dog and your man.

**This goes over exceptionally well at dinner dates on the patio of classy restaurants where the conversation inevitably will lead to the discussion (with your waiter) of shaving a cats ass to prevent the occurrence of dingle berries.

17 comments:

Momentary Academic said...

Yes. That picture looks a bit humiliating, but they are awfully sweet. I don't have the power that you have. I need to learn from the master. Here's one more reason to want to hang out with you.

Awesome, Jenni. Awesome.

Grad School Reject said...

You and my fiance' have a lot in common. We don't have a pet to dress up (and wear?), but she has found a way to make me watch shows like Project Runway, Top Chef, and Gilmore Girls. And at this point I don't even mind. I'm not sure how you ladies do it, but it is a topic I have considered writing about. If I do, do you have any objection to me linking this post?

Jenni said...

MA: It's a power I hold close to my heart...I would love to be your sensei. ;)

Grad School: It's because we own the spot of "Couch Comando." You see, you guys THINK you are in control, but we just let you think that. The minute you're all secure in your manhood...BAM...you're watching The Gillmore girls...you don't even KNOW when it hits you.
And yes, I would be honored if you linked to my post!

The Muse said...

You know, of all the funniness on this post, the one thing I zero'd in on? ...offer him a refreshing beer, (preferably a Blue Moon with an orange slice)... I have one Blue Moon left in my fridge, and its now calling my name...

mysterygirl! said...

This is fabulous. Every man should wear a super obnoxious pink plaid doggie carrier. Thank you for the step by step guide!

(I could use the guide, because my boyfriend freaks out if I even think of buying his (female!) dogs anything remotely unmanly)

SirTalksALot said...

Funniest pic I've seen in a while. Thanks for the laugh!

Glibbidy said...

sounds like you got them both wrapped around your finger.

treespotter said...

my girlfriend once ATTEMPTED to put me in a pink coverall of some sort... i'm glad that she hasn't read this yet, not so sure which is worse but at least she failed then.

Does he know you POST this pic?

TheSugarV said...

Thats funny. Ive ac tually seen people in my neighborhood use those.

Kevin said...

thanks for making me piss myself laughing (not really, but damn near)..you have managed after 47 years of my life to finally prove without a doubt that God has to be a woman.

RetroDragon said...

Um, I hope you gave him some lovin' later, because he totally deserved some (says the guy who once carried his roommate's 60-pound dog twelve blocks to the vet when she hurt her paw).

heather k said...

It only took ONE BEER??? Damn girl, either you're good, or Josh is a REEEEALLY good sport.

High-larious.

Huevos McGringo said...

that device is only moderately more dorky looking than the comparable baby-carrying device. you know, the one from that commercial.

Bud said...

Yeah both the photo AND the dingleberry discussion are essential dinner companions. You're one class act, Jenni. Love you lots.

the belligerent intellectual said...

Is it just me or is the dog giving the camera some attitude?

Sandra said...

Lola's totally posing. I don't get the purpose of a dog carrier, you still have to walk them unless it has a built in catheter!!

Lou Pickney said...

Your man looks like he lost a bet or something with that expression on his face... Funny pic.