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Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Sparkler Fun Gone Askew.


All of us have had them, those moments in our lives that we’d just rather forget, sweep under the proverbial rug and wipe them clean from our memories. I have one of those moments that involved a box full of sparklers, multiple cocktails and a pack of kitchen matches. However, forgetting it has been a problem thanks to the HUGE scar on my shoulder that refuses to go away. (See above).

For those of you who know me know that I am accident prone to the point of complete strangers offering to purchase me padded suits and helmets. Now, couple that with booze and fireworks and you have a disaster waiting to happen.

When it comes to fireworks I go big. I don’t like to just light off one sparkler, I light the WHOLE PACK OF TEN because doing so while drinking is a great idea. And so is waiving them around the deck and writing my name in the air…when drinking that is…with a pack of sparklers. Yes, I was that jackass. And now I have the scar to prove it when a large fireball leaped from my bouquet o’fire and landed smack dab on my shoulder causing me to throw them all in the air in an effort to do what I was told to do in the first grade “Stop, Drop, and Roll.” Only I don’t think when they taught that they thought it would be on a deck, surrounded by sparking sticks of dynamite. I’m lucky I didn’t burn my house down.

So, it’s almost been a year and the scar has yet to disappear. I mean COME ON, I finished off a summer, and went to Mexico where I laid on the beach for five consecutive days and this shit IS STILL HERE!

Any suggestions on how to get it to match the rest of my skin? Obviously, I could use your help.

24 comments:

BlackJack said...

I've heard that vitamin E helps a lot while the wound is healing, but I don't know any tricks for existing scars. You could always tell people that you got shot - hell it might even help out your budding rap career. Or have I been watching the Sopranos too much?

Glibbidy said...

Try 400 IU vitamin E taken orally, and shea & cocoa butter applied topically. It worked fairly well for my wife after her two pregnancies. Best of luck.

You may want to stay away from firearms if you want to make it thru another year.

Sandra said...

What about the stuff they sell at the drugstore that claims to get rid of OLD SCARS, is it a hoax or does it work? I've never tried it, I don't get into as many brushes with death as you of course.

Scott said...

I don't know, perhaps more sparkler accidents so the whole thing matches??

I was reading a post back about the Canadian Geese. I was once golfing with a friend and he hit one with his drive really hard... it was laying there twitching so he didn't know what to do about it so he decided that he should to do it in. He tried to break its neck but their necks bend every which way so that didn't work while we were contemplating what to do, the thing got up, hissed at us like crazy and flew away. It was bizarre.

Sorry for blogging on your blog.

Cheers,

Scott

gabsmash said...

SPEAKING of blogging on your blog, Jen- check your email, got your pic!

Bud said...

Nothing short of lastic surgery, Jenni. But it's still a lovely shoulder. So it'll just draw even more attention to the lovely parts. I once set my house on fire in first grade. Been pretty damn careful ever since. Got lots of ugly arm scars, though. Too many stories to tell there.

Momentary Academic said...

Hmmm...Have you tried that vanishing cream stuff? I can't think of anything that would help. You could always get a little bit of that body makeup that celebs use. Just use a dab on your skin. That might work!

The Muse said...

How about you just own the scar and love it?? Its a battle wound, a story to tell, and it is a pretty hot shoulder.

At least its not a scar from a doctor who didn't know how to properly do stitches. My scar is going on 10 years old, and its still pink and unfaded. I'm going to try some of that Mederma stuff. I'll let you know how it works.

mysterygirl! said...

I think you should rock the scar. Tell people you got it in a knife fight.

I have a series of parallel scars down my leg from when I was knocked down an escalator by a drunk guy, and I tell people I got bitten by a shark, or that it's road rash from a motorcycle accident.

Paul G said...

Ooooh, can I blog about your shoulder??!

But really, try topical vitamin e combined with megadoses of it in pill form.
I would suggest a daily slathering of Cocoa Butter lotion, but I think you have to be black to use that stuff... or you have to be "ashy."
What about making up stories involving bloodsucking leeches? Or an emergency appendectomy (in a third-world country, of course, since the scar is a bit too high up for the appendix).

Lots of options here, jenni. Choose wisely.

-pg

Anonymous said...

paul G is dead on

Jenni said...

Blackjack: I too, have been watching too much Sopranos...do you think Pauly is the next to go?

Glib: Vitamin E seems to be the consensus...I already use a Vitamin E face crem from The Body Shop, so I guess I can find something a little stronger for the war wound. And staying away from fireworks around the 4th of July is like keeping a kid away from a candy store...

Sandra: I didn't know they made anything so specific...I'll check it out though!

Scott: Um, No. And Funny story, I couldn't even imagine trying to break a goose's neck...it would surely attack me before I even got close.

Gabs: Done! And for those of you who don't know about Gabsmash go here and check it out! NOW!!

Bud: Thanks for the confidence boost!

MA: Vanishing cream? I thought that stuff was only on Scooby Doo? I may have to google it...

Muse: Great idea...I'm totally going to own it. And I've never had stiches, which is quite amazing.

Mystery: First of all, you were knocked down and escelator by a drunk guy? WTF? Secondly I like the bitten by a shark thing...very dangerous.

Paul: Ummmmm...No...stop being creepy. ;)
Also, I didn't realize you knew so much about vitamin e and cocoa butter...very impressive.

Steph said...

I'm chiming in a little late here, but I'm all about the made up story. I have a scar on my arm that looks just like a bullet hole. It's perfectly round and you can tell a little chunk was taken out that couldn't be stitched. I always tell people it's a bullet wound and I don't want to talk about it. I also have some scars from my arn from falling off my daughter's old motorcycle. They're pretty impressive, especially when people hear I wiped out on a bike. I swore my daughters to secrecy about the size - it was only a 50! :) (VERY small little midget bike)

Steph said...

Oooohh...here's a good one...
say you got burned while saving a little girl from a fire at the orphanage. I'll say I was there and saw the whole thing. Yeah. I got your back.

Mike said...

Lots of Aloe girl! :)

gabsmash said...

jenni you are such a hot bitch!

Heather said...

First, hot picture.

Second, sadly, burn scars never seem to go away. I had a run-in with a candle when I was hammered once upon a time and now I have to live with that forever... It just has to serve as a reminder from now on...

Good luck though!

Doug said...

morticians paint....

TheSugarV said...

Mederma...I think whats its called. My wife uses it on her scars and it works great. You can get it a your local drug store. You have to put it on for like a week to see its affects. It takes a while but it works.

Rob Lowe said...

I think its sexy. Much better than a mystic touch up.

bigus dickus said...

You make my cock rock hard!

HelloBettyLou said...

There is that scar cream you could use. But I got you beat. Sparklers, yes, and completely sober. Lost my index and thumb print for about 6 months.

coffeygirlb said...

First of all, bigus dickus, thanks for making me vomit and stab my eyes out with an icepick. Ok, Jenni, Mederma, but you have to be VERY diligent with it. I don't even think it looks bad though. But if it bothers you, that's your best option. It's about 20 bucks at Walgreens.

Jen said...

Kind of too late, but for future reference:

You're supposed to sheild your scars you want to go away from the sun for a year, and if they must be exposed, use a really high SPF on it. (I had to buy a new bathing suit cause mine's a two piece, and I'm going to the beach... I just spilled boiling water on my stomach, so I did bunches of research on fading the scar.)

I used polyskin to heal it, and now am using cocoa butter. I might switch to Mederma if the cocoa butter doesn't work.