Haiku Tuesday! Holiday Edition

It's that time of year
Dressing your animal weird
Here I come, dog hell.

Poor, poor, Lola...is SUCH a good girl for all my twisted doggie costumes.

Who else Haiku's? Go here.

Could it be?

Check out the death trap that has formed along the roof line on my house, which just happens to be right outside my back door. Could this be the preamble to "Jenni's Brush With Death Part V?"

I guess you'll just have to stay tuned to find out...

A shout out to my peeps...

Thank you Mother Nature for dumping 8-10 inches of snow on us over the last couple of days.

Thank you City of Minneapolis for not plowing my street until 11:30 last night making it almost impossible for the rollerskate to exit onto 34th Ave.

Thank you Volkswagen for making the 2000 Cabrio a force to be reckoned with.

Thank you lady in the grey Volvo turbo station wagon who almost caused a multi car pile up on 35w southbound. You're inability to multitask while talking on your cell phone, and operating a moving vehicle with complete disregard for the safety of others left me no choice but to reprimand you with my finger and horn. Bitch.

Thank you Baffin for making your boots. Although completely non-fashionable, they keep my feet dry, and toasty, while I trudge through the snow to visit my clients.

Thank you Metabolife Ultra, for making an ephedra free caplet which allows me to get my caffeine fix without the heroin-like withdrawals.

And Finally...Thank You guy at the gym who in last nights class thought you were the Step Aerobics God, and then fell off your step crashing loudly to the floor causing a HUGE scene and then got up and left the studio out of what must have been sheer embarrassment. That was sweet.

Things I've Learned...Holiday Edition.

This morning while I was in the locker room at the gym something dawned on me. As I gazed at the plethora of Lancome product that covered the counter space of my mirror buddy I thought to myself "Man, what we women do to make ourselves beautiful." Which was funny, since right after I thought that the woman looked at me and asked, "Do you ever look at everything you put on each and every morning and wonder if you really need all this stuff?" I laughed and agreed. She was right, and so was I. Here are some other things I learned this week...



1). Some things should be left acronymless. Like the "Planned Unit Development" committee of Oak Park Heights. (See above).

2) Instant: instantaneous: occurring with no delay; "relief was instantaneous"; "instant gratification"
"Valvoline Instant Oil Change" is by no means instant. But then again, "Valvoline Relatively Speedy Oil Change" just sounds weird.

3). Just because it was 1 degree yesterday, and it's 20 degrees today does not make it warmer, possibly more tolerable, but definitely not warmer. The word warm should be reserved for temperatures above 70 degrees.

4). The VW Cabrio can go from 0 to 60 in just under 15 seconds, which seems like 25 minutes when racing a 740i.

5). Just because one may own spandex does NOT mean they should wear it. Spandex is a privilege, not a right.

6). Sitting in the sauna for 5 minutes in a wool coat will most definitely help your extremities thaw...quickly.

Haiku Tuesday! Already?

Holy Shit! It's here?
Haiku Tuesday has arrived.
This is all you get.



Who else Haiku's? Go here.

The Great Liquid Liner Debocle

I don't know what got into me. It's not like it looks like it could be that hard, liquid eyeliner, that is. I decided to trade in my traditional Clinique crayon eyeliner for this newfangled, retro, liquid eyeliner, and I'm not sure why. Maybe it was it's appeal and promise of a look much like Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany's, or the ease and grace at which the cosmetic lady applied it to my lid, but when I went to put it on this morning the results were more like Courtney Love twelve cocktails deep at the VMA's.
Whatever, I guess I'll just have to practice and hope that things turn out better next time. Wish me luck.