Electrical Transformer, 4; Squirrels, 0

There’s nothing like waking up to the sound of a squirrel frying itself on an electrical transformer that resides three houses down. It’s actually kind of poetic, but sad at the same time. Looking out the window, the sparks flying through the air, reminiscent of some sort of sick 4th of July spectacular…and I have to tell you, If I were a squirrel I’d totally want to go out that way. Pissing everyone off as I fry myself on the electrical box that powers a block full of Minneapolis homes…”This is for running over my cousin in your fucking Volkswagen…zzzzzzzz.”

You see, this squirrel thing has become quite an epidemic the past few weeks with this morning’s causality racking up 4 dead squirrels and 6 trips from the electric company. You’d think they could figure out a way to prevent this from happening…apparently the squirrels continue to one up the folks at Excel energy.

I used to think my squirrels were smart. Being able to figure out how to get into the “squirrel proof bird feeder” my father made me. And then when they started to grow their own corn in my yard from the seeds in the bird feeder I was dumbfounded. I had officially announced that I was living with the smartest breed of “City Squirrels” this side of the Mississippi. And then it happened…about a month and a half ago when the first “Kamikaze Squirrel” decided to meet its fate with the transformer. And then a week later, another…and then another, and now this morning…another. Are they going crazy? Is it some sort of sick squirrel protest to keep us from enjoying electricity? Have we finally met our match…is this a sort of “Dooms Day” approaching where the squirrels finally start taking over the world, one electrical transformer at a time…I guess we’ll soon find out.