Listen Here F@*!ers!

"Would you like some vaseline with that pension?"

Dear Doug Steenland, President and CEO of Northwest Airlines
A.K.A Dickhead

I understand that your company had to file for Bankruptcy, and that’s too bad. Do you also want to know what’s too bad? The way you have taken this out on your pilots, mechanics and staff as you sit back and collect your hefty bonuses as the rest of your staff looses important things like their jobs and pensions.
My father-in-law has worked as a Captain of your airline for countless years and is now loosing 75% of his pension, something that he has worked his entire career for and now it’s gone. You know, the $3.8 billion dollars you promised to pay to your employees and are now neglecting to pay? Nice job. Oh, yeah and don’t forget about that annual 25% pay-cut your pilots, mechanics, and flight crew incurred as they stood by you, flew your airplanes, and made what money your business had, all to get slapped in the face in the end.
But hey! At least you still have your excess pension plan that will cover your ass along with three other of your corporate cronies. That million dollars a year should come in handy when you retire at 65! Only 11 years to go Dougie!

Dickhead.

Sincerely,
Jenni from Minneapolis

Jenni's Liver Saving Wager Part II

UPDATE

Last night I spent the evening with Josh, Danika, her mom, and her Uncle Daniel who is visiting from Germany. We went to the Bryant Lake Bowl which was recently visited by our very own Josh Hartnett and his gal pal Scarlett Johansson...and guess what? Not. One. Drink. That's right folks, Libby, Blackjack, be prepared to fork over that dollar, so when I make it through the weekend not only will I have a sparkly clean liver, but I will be $2 richer.

Game on.

By the way, if you notice the blog pole to your right, the votes are neck and neck...if you haven't voted already vote now!! Do it...really...now.

Jenni's Liver Saving Wager...Vote on the poll to your right!

So, I’m giving my liver a two-week vacation. And, no you didn’t read that wrong, I ‘m giving my liver a two-week vacation, which means no booze, no caffeine, no preservatives, no nothing. No bread (which I can’t have anyway due to a wheat allergy), no starches, no sugar. I’ve been on this diet called “The Fat Flush” plan since Monday and I think I’ve already dropped like 10 lbs…seriously. The whole premise behind this diet is to cleanse you liver which is the most important fat burning organ in your body. I eat fruits, vegetables, and 8 oz of lean meat daily, which usually includes fish and organic free-range chicken. I feel great and can really feel a difference. But there’s one problem….

I’m hosting a bachelorette party at my house tomorrow. That’s right, there will be temptation in the booze form and I will do my damdest to stay on the right track. All week I have been preparing for this weekend, giving myself pep talks, gathering my soda water and limes to drink to make it seem as though I’m drinking. And I really want to do this, not only for myself, but also for my liver that has been totally abused for way too long. And in order to keep me motivated I want someone to bet me…bet me that I can’t stay off the sauce and that I will have a drink. Come on…do it! I NEVER loose a bet and all I need is one person to put out a bet…lay it on the table and let it ride. And then you all can place wagers on my will power. Oh, and vote on the poll to your right. Do it now…do it.

Meet Barb.

Just to clarify before I begin, I am a horrible, horrible, person. You see, while walking to Pepitos on Saturday night I passed this photography store where amongst other pictures was the following. I couldn’t resist…I had to take a picture and write about this woman and what I believe is her life as I know it. So save your judgments, or cry’s of intentional social malice I am about to bestow on this poor woman, because it wasn’t me who decided to hang her picture in the window of an extremely visable photography studio, OH NO!


Meet Barb. Barb is a single woman in her mid 30’s who loves her cockatiel Petie more than anything. Ever.

Barb lives in a one bedroom apartment on the frontage road of 494 in Richfield MN, which is conveniently located near the Hallmark store just a few miles away in Bloomington where she is the assistant manager. She drives a Ford aspire that she bought new in 1994. It’s pink.

Her favorite shirt is her grey turtleneck mostly because it covers up the unsightly mole that has surfaced on the right side of her neck. She wears it with her black slacks, trouser socks and SAS shoes.

Barb spends the majority of her free time with Petie teaching him how to whistle the theme song to The Walton’s of which her aunt bought her the entire VHS set for Christmas. It was on her list. She collects “Precious Moments” figurines of which she proudly claims to have the largest collection in the tri state area. Every other month you will find Barb at the local Cost Cutters getting a perm and an upper lip wax, only because they throw it in for free.

Barb is a penny pincher and spends her Sundays clipping coupons from the paper. She’s saving up to buy a double bed to replace her current twin, which is too small for her ginormous teddy bear collection.

She’s never been married and has recently began dating Rodney who is the night manager at the Subway next door, only because he gives her extra stamps.

She hopes one day to be promoted to store manager where she will then create an entire section of cockatiel greeting cards. In the meantime she is happy to stock other cards with puppies and kitties on them, knowing that her moment to shine is right around the corner.

101 Things you may not know

I was thinking about how I work with so many different people on a daily basis and how none of them really knows me, you know? And not like they have to know me, but I thought it's interesting how we go through life with people without really knowing them. So, I decided to challenge myself and create a list, a list of things the average person I speak with on a daily basis may not know about me...so here goes.


1). I wish on stars
2). I daydream…often.
3). I’m a grocery store snob, and would rather shop at a Co-op.
4). I buy organic and insist on buying locally.
5). My favorite fruit is mango.
6). Sometimes I drink too much.
7). I believe my father is the best person. Ever.
8). I have 4 nieces, 4 nephews, and one great nephew.
9). I was a mistake, but my parents insist I was a pleasant surprise, my siblings say “after thought.”
10). I believe anyone who maliciously harms an animal should be drug out into the street and shot. Seriously.
11). No matter how thin I am I think I’m fat.
12). I taught my dad how to read after his second stroke.
13). I am proud of myself and where I am in my life.
14). My mom thinks I am psychic and can speak to those who have passed through my dreams. I hate to believe her, but I think she’s right.
15). I prefer old homes rather than new homes.
16). I don’t know if I want to have children
17). I’m not money motivated, yet I am in sales…this is an oxymoron.
18). I enjoy making people laugh.
19). I make it a point to make people smile.
20). I am extra nice to clerks and people in the service industry, even when I’m having a bad day.
21). I look people in the eye when I say “Thank You.”
22). People don’t intimidate me.
23). When there’s a bug or insect in the house I don’t kill it, I trap it and let it go outside.
24). I wish I went to church more often.
25). I don’t have any grandparents left.
26). My grandma’s been gone almost two years and I still cry sometimes because I really miss her.
27). I always check under my bed and in my closet before I go to sleep.
28). I lost a friend and one friend paralyzed; both by guns.
29). I hate guns.
30). I once rescued an injured duck from the side of the road and took it to a rehabilitation center.
31). I did the same for a baby bird.
32). When I was little I didn’t want to be a teacher, a nurse, or a mommy…I wanted to be a stockbroker.
33). Sometimes I don’t want to wake up when I’m dreaming.
34). I am extremely stubborn.
35). I truly believe I have the cutest dog in the world.
36). I still love Poison.
37). Sushi…Mmmmmm…
38). I told everyone in college that I majored in Journalism because I wanted to be an MTV V.J.
39). I didn’t really want to be a V.J.
40). My eyes fill with tears when I hear the National Anthem.
41). I don’t give a rats ass what Paris Hilton wore to the VMA’s.
42). I voted for George Bush for his first term.
43). I regretted that and voted for Kerry.
44). I started a food fight in fifth grade, and didn’t get caught.
45). I once ripped the streamers out of my neighbor’s big wheel because I wanted one too.
46). I used to send my friends home when Sesame Street came on.
47). I enjoy solitude.
48). My imaginary friends as a young child were the Hager Brothers from “Hee Haw.”
49). I have a fear of flying, but not a fear of heights.
50). I can play the piano by ear.
51). I strongly believe life is what you make it no matter what your situation.
52). I am more apt to please others over myself.
53). I want to break that habit.
54). I like to argue, and always make a point when I do.
55). I once argued my way into to-go cups for a pitcher of beer and won.
56). I’m a fish out of water, I love to swim.
57). I am a textbook Pisces.
58). I not so secretly love Chevy Chase.
59). I know every line in National Lampoons Vacation by heart.
60). I sing the Wally World National Anthem whenever I embark on a road trip.
61). Every time I walk on a sidewalk I still avoid the cracks for fear of hurting my moms back.
62). I am superstitious
63). I love thunderstorms at night.
64). I eat a gluten free diet because I am allergic to flour.
65). I used to be a Vegetarian until I discovered free- range organic chicken.
66). I believe supporting farmers who do things right is a good thing.
67). I still don’t eat beef, or pork, or beork…, which would be Spam.
68). Every time I see a cattle truck off to slaughter my eyes well up with tears, especially if I see the cows eyes.
69). I can’t say the word “balls” without smiling.
70). I am often told I have an infectious laugh.
71). I can’t stand arrogant, self-centered people.
72). I like to garden and plant flowers.
73). I have a green thumb and I sometimes talk to my houseplants.
74). I also talk to my dog, and believe she understands every word.
75). I want to go back to school for my Masters, most probably in Journalism.
76). I want to be the next Katie Couric, only better.
77). I’m dependent on my cell phone.
78). I have an addictive personality.
79). I want everyone to “like” me.
80). I don’t have any enemies.
81). I made almost all the curtains in my home.
82). I like to sew.
83). I love to decorate.
84). I want to be in business for myself.
85). Both of my brothers are successful entrepreneurs.
86). I envy them.
87). I hate white frosting, Twinkies, and Ho-Ho’s, they make my mouth itch.
88). I spent two weeks in Tokyo, Japan visiting my sister and her family and loved every minute of it.
89). I want to go back again.
90). I want to travel more, and often.
91). I want to take better care of myself.
92). I wanted to play the violin, but my mom made me play the clarinet, and I purposely failed 8th grade band because of it.
93). Did I mention I am extremely stubborn?
94). I hate being told what to do, or how to do things “better.”
95). Don’t make a bet with me, unless you want to loose ;)
96). I have naturally curly hair.
97). I hate to straighten it, but I like it that way too.
98). I believe our souls live many lives which clashes with how I was raised, but maybe both views are right, just historically absent from one another.
99). Each one of us has a purpose; I hope mine is to make people think, and then smile.
100). I am extremely disorganized.
101). I hate lists.

Frogs and Gin...Happy Labor Day 2005

It was a dark and stormy night….O.K., well maybe it wasn’t stormy, but it was dark. While driving back from my sister’s cabin, and dodging thousands…O.K. maybe not thousands…hundreds…O.K., maybe not hundreds…twenties of road crossing frogs, one finally met it’s match with the Cabrio. We actually felt the poor guy hit the car, that’s right, we actually FELT it…poor Kermit. So, the next day I made Josh look to see if there were any frog guts on the front of my car and this is what he found.


I couldn’t look…it was much too gruesome…it’s poor little frog foot dangling from the underside of my Volkswagen…it was tragic.

In other news, my niece was married last Friday in a beautiful ceremony and reception at The Great Hall in St. Paul. Everything was running smoothly until Josh asked my 19-year old nephew to get me a glass of “White Zin (disclaimer: I’m not a fan, nor do I personally prefer drinking “White Zin”…and to this day swear I was set up…it was sabotage). And when he came back with a glass of GIN? Well, that’s when it all went down hill from there. I’m not kidding you, he came back with a GLASS OF GIN. I was later told by my cousin who was standing nearby that when the bartender asked, “Are you sure you don’t want a glass of White Zin?” His response, in his most educated authoritative “I am old enough to know” tone was “No, I want a glass of white gin.” No, tonic, no nothing…it was just gin. My cousin convinced him to throw in a twist of lime, and I was on my own…it was just me with my glass of gin. My brother (the Bride’s father) walked by and was real pleased to see that I was taking advantage of the open bar by drinking full glasses of gin.

After a glass of gin, one cannot just stop drinking, right? So I preceded to have a few more glasses, this time with some tonic and was at the end of the night feeling a little good, but not good as in who’s that drunk girl, good…good as in I have a nice gin buzz good.

On the way home I was forced in the back seat of Josh’s mom’s Murano, and what happened while driving down West 7th street? Yup, we were pulled over. Pulled over because apparently the Nissan Murano is the only new vehicle without daytime running lights. The policeman asked Josh if he had been drinking, which he replied, “No” and to his defense he really wasn’t. He only had a few beers at the beginning and his mom doesn’t drink, they were actually taking care of my Great Nephew the entire night. So the cop took his license and ran it, came back, and asked AGAIN if he had been drinking, to which he replied again, “No.” The officer then said, “…because I can smell alcohol coming from your vehicle.” To which Josh and his mom both replied in unison while pointing in the back seat “It’s her.” Yup, I was called out as the one who smelt like a huge distillery in the backseat and apparently I was trying to contain my laughter and couldn’t disguise the huge grin on my face…it was sad.

So, the five-o made Josh get out of the car and do a field sobriety test, which he passed with flying colors and we were on our way…stupid headlights.