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Wednesday, February 28, 2007

A Pictorial Presentation of My Morning Spin Class

This morning I went to a spin class that I usually don’t go to. It was at a gym in an “uppity” suburb typically associated with Land Rovers, soccer moms, and Mc Mansions.

Unfortunately for me, I arrived right before it started and was able to snag the LAST available bike which just happened to be in the front row. Of course it was, why wouldn’t it be?
Apparently there is some sort of rule that if you’ve never been to a certain class at a certain gym and you can’t find the pedal clips for your bike because they’re MISSING and the whole scene is only magnified because you’re in the front row and the instructor so kindly gets off her bike to bring you a pair of clips and everyone stops and looks at you like “Oh, she must be NEW…”

Anyway…

Nick Nolte was there.

O.K, so maybe it wasn’t THE Nick Nolte, but the guy struck an uncanny resemblance to his famous mug shot photo, hair and all.

The room was also full of these ladies.

Yup, one of them was even wearing her cashmere hoddie tied around her shoulders like some kind of country club trophy wife, decked out in her fancy jewelry and expensive fake ta-ta’s.
It didn’t appear as though she was there to get a workout, but instead to parade around in her little outfit and hit on the twenty-something bo-hunk who was working out next to her.

And the more I looked around the room the more I realized that these women actually put on makeup and did their hair...All for what?

I on the other hand, looked more like this:

Except that I’m blonde and look NOTHING like Yasmine Bleeth, but you get the picture. I could give a rat’s ass what I look like when I go work out because I know that at the end of a 60-minute spin class I’m going to look like a train-wreck anyway.

I don’t know…Maybe it’s just me…Maybe I should be primping myself more for the gym.

Wait…I can’t believe I just wrote that. I think their sweat glands or extravagant perfume emitted some sort of hypnotic fume…A kind of weird Stepford Wives deal…

Must. Wear. Pearls.

12 comments:

Garrett said...

Stop taunting me.

Sunfish said...

Yowsa! Last time I saw you post-workout you looked nothing like that Bleeth pic. What a difference 15 extra min can make, eh? Or you're modest. Hmmmmm.....

Momentary Academic said...

I'm sure that you looked just fine--appropriate as it were, Jenni. Here's to women who know how cute they are without having to hit on the kids in class! Woot!

dub said...

oh lord, i know those women who wear makeup to the gym. they also wear open-toe stilettos to a football game. it's kind of funny, i go to the gym so that i eventually look hot, but while i'm there i look the complete opposite of hot. oh and if i ever spend more money on a workout "outfit" than a nice evening dress, please kill me.

Beth said...

step away from the makeup!! Look how silly those women look wearing makeup to "work out"...and those "Real Housewives" crack me up...I can't stand them, but they make me laugh nonetheless. that big one is really snooty...

Love your blog!

Sandra said...

The worst is when they troll the Galleria in gold lame' track suits even on the days they aren't going to the gym.

Aliecat said...

As an 11 year smoker, I could not do Spinning, unless I wanted to test how fast the Ambulance could get through rush hour traffic...

Bud said...

I go to the y everyday and see that shit. The Y for chrisakes! Good for you not to let that get in your way.

LZ Blogger said...

You mean to tell me... that the "Stepford Wives" was just a movie? Darn! ~ jb///

fireman236 said...

I worked for a local health club chain right out of college first selling memberships, eventually moving into marketing and design.

This particular club was located in St. Louis Park and not by any means a cheap one to belong to.

I HONEST to god, on more than one occasion watched women on treadmills with, (I'M NOT LYING ABOUT THIS) high heels on!!

My favorites though, were the 60+ senior ladies with financed faces/bodies that spent 5 hours at the gym doing nothing but talking to their reflecions in the mirror. Reminded me of parakeets.

Steph said...

Sadly those "Real Housewives" live in my neighborhood, and going out in this little town means waiting for tables for way too long because they're shooting another shallow, meaningless scene from their drama. Next time you're out, we'll find them and trust me, you'll laugh your ass off! :)

work in progress said...

Hilarious.