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Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Jenni's Race Against the Odds. (Alternate Title: Tuna and Cheese; Why Here, Why Now?)


Getting old; It’s inevitable. Some may say that the right way to age is to just give up and let nature take it’s course. I say that the second things start pointing south I’m filling them right back up with strategically implanted saline.

But enough about that, I’m not so much scared about the physical changes as much as the loss of independence and inevitable dependence that I will more than likely encounter as I make my way into a bona fide card-carrying AARP member.

Some of you may be thinking to yourself, “She can’t possibly be going thought a midlife crisis, she’s only 30!.” And you’re right! I hadn’t really given it much thought until a few weeks ago when I went to visit Josh’s Grandma in her “Senior Living” complex.

As I was riding the elevator up to the floor where she lives, I decided to entertain myself and Josh as I read aloud their weekly “Dinner Menu.”

Meatloaf, chicken, spaghetti, beef stew, “tuna loaf with cheese sauce…” Wait…”TUNA LOAF WITH CHEESE SAUCE?” Did I read that right? Tuna and CHEESE? Since when was it ever O.K. to smother FISH with CHEESE?

Is this where I’m going to find myself when I’m 89 years old…Trapped in some sort of dormitory for the elderly and forced to eat two things that CLEARLY should not be eaten on the same DAY let alone served on the same PLATE?

Because if it is, I’m out.

TUNA AND CHEESE SAUCE!??!

And I love how they try to hide the fact that they’re serving “tuna and cheese sauce” by throwing in some wild rice and buttered peas.

“Let’s see how we can mask the fact that the main dish is downright disgusting by throwing in some fancy rice and a bland vegetable, and then before you have a chance to complain about your train-wreck of a meal we will brain-wash you with our mesmerizing “Pound cake and berry sauce.”

“Damn right we will. Everything is better with pound cake and berry sauce.”

I was actually so shocked I had to take a picture with my camera phone of the actual menu that was posted in the elevator, just in case the “Tuna and Cheese Sauce” phenomenon was so unbelievable I would be written off as some sort of lunatic.


See. Even I can’t make this shit up.

19 comments:

Ashley said...

Weird thing to say for a first comment, but you are SO pretty!

mysterygirl! said...

I'm totally going to have the alternate choice, "Hamburger Steak & Gravy," regardless of how disgusting it may be.

When we get old, we should open a swinging retirement home.

Dooce Fan! said...

I'm happy to grow older. I never want to be young again. Kids are cruel. If I don't feel like leaving my house, now I don't have to.

flea said...

ok, that is wrong on so many levels ~shudders~

i think i may need therapy after that.....

Momentary Academic said...

Wow. I suppose that the Tuna is for the Catholics? Can one ask to hold the cheese? :)

Spaceman Spiff said...

Visiting from Karla's. . . . I just loved the use of anonomized so I had to come check you out. I will have to come back. Anybody with a pink digital watch is cool by me. And what Ashley said applies, so that doesn't hurt.

I would be a little creeped out by the idea of a swinging retirement home. I may feel different about it when I'm 80, so I disagree with MysteryGirl. Tuna = good, cheese = good, therefore, by Joey Tribiani's law of cooking tuna + cheese = good. It's really simple algebra.

slyght said...

you've never had a tuna melt. they are excellent. same thing as tuna loaf with cheese sauce except on toast.

Barry said...

I dunno - I am not a tuna fan in any form...yeah what ashley said :P

heather k said...

Um, they didn't say "Tuna and Cheese"...or "Hey! We're serving happy little Tuna Melts!" No. They said Tuna and Cheese SAUCE. WTF?

I'm with Jen. God help us all.

Anonymous said...

I don't believe we can tie tuna loaf and cheese sauce together with a tuna melt.

- CHEESE SAUCE not sliced cheese, the cheese is a sauce. A sauce!

Tuna LOAF. LOAF man. It's like Fart. Geez, I just mini puked... LOAF...uh!

Memphis Steve said...

Hey, that tuna and cheese is AWESOME!

Grad School Reject said...

This reminds me of the old Dennis Leary comedy routine where he rejected the arguements about smoking/drinking taking years of your life by pointing out that the years you lose are the ones where you are eating things like tuna loaf and cheese.

LZ Blogger said...

TUNA LOAF AND CHEESE SAUCE!??! Like the Tuna Loaf wasn't BAD ENOUGH... they had to ADD THE CHEESE SAUSE? I never want to grow OLD! ~ jb///

Bud said...

I have to admit that the prospect of being trapped, as you said, in an old age dorm with tuna and cheese is about as grim as it gets. As long as I own a car and a garage, that's never gonna happen.

Aliecat said...

I'm not so much disurbed by the cheese sauce, it's more the LOAF part of tuna that gets me.../shiver...

Nocturnal said...

Tuna and cheese sauce, that's definitely cr8ive thinking there.

Here via KB as well.

Cheers

NAME: Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

I think that when I'm 89, and my whole body aches, and I'm crapping myself, and I haven't had a hard-on in the past 20 years, a tuna loaf with cheese sauce may be the highlight of my day.

Sandra said...

Don't worry by the time we're getting our AARP cards the nursing homes will have olive bars and sushi and unlimited cosmos to wash it all down. I may already have a little dementia here....

d. chedwick bryant said...

Ok tuna and cheese: (I dislike both of these)
tuna helper (variations on cheesy or creamy sauces)
Mac and Cheese with tuna
Tuna casseroles
Tuna melt.

but i wouldnt eat any of this stuff--it is like food popular 30 years ago or something. it would be for... retirement homes.

I agree with Sandra...
I think there will be sushi by the time we retire there, never fear... California Rolls and pome Juice.