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Saturday, October 01, 2005

Swank Crime Fighting Part II


It was a night like any other. Joshua, Damian, Erica and I were sitting out on the back deck, enjoying a nice Friday evening with cocktails and stories. There was a stillness about the night, a stillness that would soon be interrupted with one simple phrase…“I’m going to fucking kill you!” That’s how it started at least, the phrase “I’m going to fucking kill you” soon escalated into more threats of annihilation and bodily harm.

To keep things real, after one has a couple cocktails you’re not just going to hole up into your house and call the Five-0 via 911, ahem, like I did. No, no…if you’re Joshua, Damian, and Erica, you’re going to find out what’s going on. So that’s what they did. While I was in the house on the phone they walked down the block to make sure everything was O.K. Which incidentally, everything was NOT O.K.

Approaching the end of the block they happened upon two women and three men. Two of the men were fighting, and one was clearly winning sitting on top of the other man beating the crap out of him. Josh saw this and took the liberty of taking the mans shirt by the bottom and pulling it over his head in an effort to break up the fight which surprisingly worked. This is when I walked out into the street to see Josh in the middle of it all, so heroic, so brave, so… lucky that they didn’t kick his ass as well. I was able to hear him direct them to go down the block to the Mobile station and stay there as the other dude headed to his rented house on the corner. As he was walking to the front door he decided to spit at the woman who was standing near him, and throw bricks at her…that’s right throw bricks at her. Only his attempts were in vain as he obviously couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn. More choice words were exchanged and that’s when she said the six words that sent all of us home: "He - Has - Guns - In - His - House"…(crickets chirping, crickets chirping, crickets chirping) OK! Hope you work this out, cops should be here shortly, see ya bye.

And that’s all it took to send these Swank Crime Fighters back to the security of their deck and cocktails, another night, another murder attempt thwarted…it’s all in a days work.

(You know what word should be used more often? “Thwarted.” That’s right, “Thwarted.” Use it in a sentence five times today. Do it. You know you want to.)

15 comments:

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Anonymous said...

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Jenni said...

AH HA! The anonymous spammers have been forever "thwarted" by bloggers handy word verification! Take THAT!

(See, "thwarted", second time today. Do it.)

Aliecat said...

Thanks for the link hot stuff!

Sandra said...

Does the dude with guns in his rented house know where you guys live now? EEEK!

Wow Josh is totally cape worthy, he should pin a towel around his neck when he walks Lola around the neighborhood.

Mpls_red said...

And to think that I didn't buy that house across the street (damnit). I was going to leave a really great comment but my thoughts were thwarted by my keyboard.
Comming next week, Josh takes on Osama Bin Forgotten on "THE MYRTAR ON MONDAMIN" (Crickets chirp, crickets chirp...) Ok, two drink minium, besure to tip your waitress. Goodnight folks. (My attempt at comedy was thwarted by my lack of being funny.

BlackJack said...

A+ on the good samaritanness, but be careful! Don't be gettin' shot by crazy renter dude.

(my verification word was 'ssrghk' I am so using that the next time I play scrabble)

The Baxter said...

hi, im not selling anything...i just wanted to say i have used the phrase "im going to fucking kill you" before, and it feels good!
bax

Steph said...

Holy Crap, Joshman!! I'm totally impressed. The only thing I've thwarted lately is my hundred shots in a hundred minutes challenge.
And what the hell's up with these comment advertisers? At least one had the good sense to call me a MILF before leaving his web address.
By the way, Jen...in light of recent deck sitting events, I'm changing my vote on the sidebar poll. ;)

Charlie Mc said...

thwarted is a great word, indeed....

Kyrst said...

Jen: I am so impressed! I would have never guessed your crime fighting capabilities to be as strong as they are!

LoreliaGilmore said...

this is crap i posted my comment. it's not up.
I'm gonna kill someone!

x said...

wow! you really do need some crime fighting outfits and aliases! Remember to choose something quick and easy to slip into and a name that you can remember and pronounce under pressure! You'd hate to be thwarted by buttons and tongue twisters!

Roscoe said...

I shall thwart the thwarters for thwarting he thwarted . . . Thwart Ho!

(Standing arms akimbo, I used thwart five times in a sentence. Now my head hurts.)

PPPMoney said...

All attempts to thwart the thwarters shall be thwarted by my elaberate plan to thwart all who intend to thwart those thwarting the evil deeds of another thwarter.

Roscoe 5 - PPPMoney 7
(Hands raised in victory)

Great story by the way.