Thursday, February 24, 2005

It's All About Priorities.

Today I went to the doctor for my yearly exam. I can think of many more things I wish I were doing, or many more places I would rather have been than on the table in the doctors office with my legs up in the air getting a cold metal instrument shoved between my legs. Pap smear. I hate pap smears. Just saying the word pap smear is unpleasant. Try saying it with a smile on your face…it’s impossible isn’t it? Now try saying Pina Colada. Instant smile. Am I right? It also doesn’t help when you forget to turn off your cell phone and it rings with your new “Copacabana” ring tone. You know, the one you thought was so awesome, the one with Barry Manilow actually singing the song. Nice. Especially when your doctor is young, male and conventionally attractive. Even better when you laugh and it makes it that much more difficult to insert the cold metal thingy. Hate.
It gets better. After discussing the arthritis that I have been battling the past few years he has come to the conclusion that it may be gluten that is causing all of my issues. So, he put me on a “gluten-free” diet. After explaining what foods are gluten free and what foods contain gluten he sent me home with homework to pull a list off of the internet to use as a guideline. So, when I got home I fired up the computer and started to search. I came up with quite a list of things I can no longer eat or drink. Josh listened as I read them out loud and the conversation went something like this…

M (Me): So, I can’t eat wheat, pasta, preservatives, blah, blah, blah…BEER! I CAN’T DRINK BEER!!
J(Josh): What? No BEER? What can you drink?
M: I better be able to drink Vodka! I don’t see vodka on the list.
J: Well, you can eat potato’s right? Some vodka is made with potatoes.
M: What? Potato vodka? Is Ketel One potato vodka? What about gin? I love gin.
J: I don’t know (while examining the bottle of Ketel One). No, it says it’s distilled from grains.
M: What kind of grains? I’m going to their website….

And it went on like that for quite some time. You see, what makes this so sad is that the only time the level of concern was raised was when it came to the sauce. Who cares if I can’t eat bread, pasta and half of everything else in the food pyramid? I may not be able to drink booze!
So, as it all turns out I am no longer able to drink Ketel One as it is distilled from wheat, and my search for a yummy potato vodka has now began.
Wish me luck.
Posted by Jen

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