For those of you who do not know what a vasectomy is, it’s kind of like the human version of neutering. It’s where the doctor goes in and severs the vas deferens in the testicles and ties them at the end so afterward the Mr. is left “shooting blanks.”
Anyway, a good friend of mines’ husband went to get this done and the best part about it is that the doctor actually let her cut one of the vas deferens. Now, what is running through my head as she is telling me this is seeing her holding a gigantic pair of scissors,(with both hands) striking a pose for the camera with a large grin on her face. Kind of like when celebrities or important city people cut the big ribbon when they are about to open a business. Sharing the same sense of humor as I, I am sure that she was thinking the exact same thing.
Apparently when her husband caught wind of this (and being slightly sedated on anesthesia) he decided to tell the doctor that she “farts like a barnyard animal” to try and dissuade the possibility of his wife coming near his testicles with a scissor. Now I can attest to this barnyard animal thing as I have been with her when she managed to clear the whole dartboard section of a bar a few years back. However, this did not put any sort of kibosh on the effort that was to become a lifetime of infertility for her husband, and I can imagine it just made her want to do it more. So in the end, he left unable to reproduce, and she left with the satisfaction that she had an important part in the whole thing. Isn’t that what true love is all about?
Monday, February 28, 2005
Thursday, February 24, 2005
It's All About Priorities.
Today I went to the doctor for my yearly exam. I can think of many more things I wish I were doing, or many more places I would rather have been than on the table in the doctors office with my legs up in the air getting a cold metal instrument shoved between my legs. Pap smear. I hate pap smears. Just saying the word pap smear is unpleasant. Try saying it with a smile on your face…it’s impossible isn’t it? Now try saying Pina Colada. Instant smile. Am I right? It also doesn’t help when you forget to turn off your cell phone and it rings with your new “Copacabana” ring tone. You know, the one you thought was so awesome, the one with Barry Manilow actually singing the song. Nice. Especially when your doctor is young, male and conventionally attractive. Even better when you laugh and it makes it that much more difficult to insert the cold metal thingy. Hate.
It gets better. After discussing the arthritis that I have been battling the past few years he has come to the conclusion that it may be gluten that is causing all of my issues. So, he put me on a “gluten-free” diet. After explaining what foods are gluten free and what foods contain gluten he sent me home with homework to pull a list off of the internet to use as a guideline. So, when I got home I fired up the computer and started to search. I came up with quite a list of things I can no longer eat or drink. Josh listened as I read them out loud and the conversation went something like this…
M (Me): So, I can’t eat wheat, pasta, preservatives, blah, blah, blah…BEER! I CAN’T DRINK BEER!!
J(Josh): What? No BEER? What can you drink?
M: I better be able to drink Vodka! I don’t see vodka on the list.
J: Well, you can eat potato’s right? Some vodka is made with potatoes.
M: What? Potato vodka? Is Ketel One potato vodka? What about gin? I love gin.
J: I don’t know (while examining the bottle of Ketel One). No, it says it’s distilled from grains.
M: What kind of grains? I’m going to their website….
And it went on like that for quite some time. You see, what makes this so sad is that the only time the level of concern was raised was when it came to the sauce. Who cares if I can’t eat bread, pasta and half of everything else in the food pyramid? I may not be able to drink booze!
So, as it all turns out I am no longer able to drink Ketel One as it is distilled from wheat, and my search for a yummy potato vodka has now began.
Wish me luck.
Posted by Jen
It gets better. After discussing the arthritis that I have been battling the past few years he has come to the conclusion that it may be gluten that is causing all of my issues. So, he put me on a “gluten-free” diet. After explaining what foods are gluten free and what foods contain gluten he sent me home with homework to pull a list off of the internet to use as a guideline. So, when I got home I fired up the computer and started to search. I came up with quite a list of things I can no longer eat or drink. Josh listened as I read them out loud and the conversation went something like this…
M (Me): So, I can’t eat wheat, pasta, preservatives, blah, blah, blah…BEER! I CAN’T DRINK BEER!!
J(Josh): What? No BEER? What can you drink?
M: I better be able to drink Vodka! I don’t see vodka on the list.
J: Well, you can eat potato’s right? Some vodka is made with potatoes.
M: What? Potato vodka? Is Ketel One potato vodka? What about gin? I love gin.
J: I don’t know (while examining the bottle of Ketel One). No, it says it’s distilled from grains.
M: What kind of grains? I’m going to their website….
And it went on like that for quite some time. You see, what makes this so sad is that the only time the level of concern was raised was when it came to the sauce. Who cares if I can’t eat bread, pasta and half of everything else in the food pyramid? I may not be able to drink booze!
So, as it all turns out I am no longer able to drink Ketel One as it is distilled from wheat, and my search for a yummy potato vodka has now began.
Wish me luck.
Posted by Jen
Friday, February 04, 2005
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
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